On to the new path by the shed.  It missed the shed by about a foot.  BLOODY HELL!  My nerves are, again, in shreds, and, just to help, I seem to be starting some sort of bug.  This means that when Sarah and Vincent arrive it is not ‘hello, how lovely to see you, how’s things?’ but more ‘You won’t believe what’s happened how are you with a chain saw?’  (My apologies again, Sarah and Vincent…) 

Guy arrives and, with four of us at it, the tree doesn’t take long to shift, although it is after lunch before we get to the Grand Switch On.

Vincent and I fill the motor with hydraulic fluid, check all the lines and … we’re ready.  I flick the switch and BANG!  Not, in fact, the electrics exploding, but Vincent, such a wag, saying BANG! for a laugh.  I hit him.  We flick all the switches, push the start button – and IT WORKS!!!  WOO HOO!!!  

I HAVE AN ENDLESS POOL!!!  Regardless of the fact that the water is a freezing cold 16°, I get in for a swim – and IT WORKS!!!  The swim current is not as strong as it should be, so I get out and phone the US…. I can’t connect on my mobile, so I go into the house, phone, get instructions, ring off, go back out, go back in, phone, get instructions…. About three times.  Then Vincent figures it out, and suddenly we have LOTS of power. 

I get in for another swim….  I am, by this time, entirely blue and completely frozen but, no matter, I HAVE A POOL!!!  Nobody else gets in to join me – something about the Water Being Too Cold.

On Tuesday the water is still an absolutely mind numbing sixteen degrees, and it occurs to us that the heater isn’t working….. Wyn comes to the rescue, figures it out, and suddenly we have a pool that might get warmer…. 

Vincent and Sarah more than earn their keep by building a flight of steps while Guy and I dash off to the clock shop to see if my clock is on it’s way, and to Newport to buy more of the specialist woodstain.

Wednesday, in honour of the fact that we have visitors and it is Not The Done Thing to make them work every single hour of their stay, we head for Gloucester Docks and the Museum of Modern Packaging.  There is, being me, a ‘pool reason’ for going – I am still looking for some art for the wall, and think that a retro advertising pool image would be just the thing.  We have a lovely day out, with a picnic and a dog walk.   And I’m sure the Museum of Modern Packaging would have been just as terrific as it always was – if it hadn’t closed two years ago……  If anyone knows where it’s gone, can you let me know?!

On Thursday my throat is far worse, my voice is completely gone, and I am TOO ILL TO SWIM.  This is not good news.  Seventeen weeks of hard labour, three days of having a pool, and I am not well enough to use it…. BUGGER.  We finish the tongue and groove around the pool and Vincent invents a fantastic guttering thingy to collect water coming off the roller and stop it hitting the floor.  Inspired!  We practice duck racing in readiness for the Grand Opening.  The fun really starts in the evening when we go to IKEA for serious shopping – fun or what?  And yes, you can get four people and a large rattan chair in a Megane.  If you’re prepared for one of your guests to become intimately acquainted with said chair….

On Friday Sarah and Vincent leave for Cornwall (M5, Friday afternoon before August Bank Holiday – I wonder if they ever got there???) but before that they finish the side of the pool wall and help put all the lovely new IKEA bits into the cabin.  Looking good! 

And they have a last swim before going…. Sadly I am now completely without a voice, and can’t swim.  Again.  Mum comes to swim and sits in the pool with a gentle current and a very silly grin on her face.  To show her how strong the current is I turn it on to full blast and watch her swirling gently round the pool….. Quite a fun thing to do to an aged parent….

On Saturday Guy and I are not speaking to each other.  Or, rather, I am not speaking to Guy.  Nothing at all to do with being cross – my voice has TOTALLY gone, and I can also wheeze impressively like Mutley.  I have never actually wheezed before, so this is quite entertaining.  Except my throat is sore, I feel like rubbish, and I’m still not well enough to swim.  Honestly, you couldn’t make it up…. 

I do manage to get to the clock shop to pick up a HUGE clock – not actually the one I’ve ordered yet (it hasn’t come in) but similar….

On Sunday a select group of friends come round for the Grand Pool Opening and Duck Racing (which is great fun).  Guy and I have made a cake to celebrate, and Lynne (my long suffering neighbour who has put up with endless lorries turning in front of her house) has a swim and duly declares it ‘fantastic’.  Quite right too! 

Gareth and Nic produce a beautiful sign for the cabin – which will from now on be known as the Hazelwood Cottage Aquatic Centre.  Excellent!  Jo brings a present of cinnamon incense sticks so that Guy and I can have quiet times in the pool…. Utter bliss.

Hours Worked: Not counting, because they were mostly FUN things like testing the current, putting nice things into the cabin and staining the last easy bit of tongue and groove.
Hours in Freezing Cold Pool: About one and a half.   Which was probably about 90 minutes too many.  And no, it hasn’t caused my lost voice – it’s a bug and it was always going to happen…
Achieved:  A POOL THAT WORKS!  And is now warm, which is probably just as important….
Wine consumed: Lost count of the bottles, frankly.  Well, we did have visitors.  And we did have to celebrate…  The vast amount of sloe gin consumed was purely medicinal.  On the basis that the wine didn’t seem to cure me…
Purchases and Pressies: From IKEA – rattan armchair, two rugs, two plant pot holders, doormat, mirrors, picture, frame and lots of meatballs.  OK, so the meatballs are nothing to do with the pool.  Towels and a cute teddy bear (Cabin Bear) from mum.  Red roses from Guy (aah…) Marvellous sign from Gareth and Nic, incense sticks from Jo, bottle of wine from Lynne.
Still to do: Add skirting board, put in door to plant room, stain all French Windows (three times – no wonder I’ve been putting it off), install outside light, two inside bulkhead lights, switch for fairy lights and probably some sort of heating before the winter.

And that’s it!  Except, as this is the last instalment, some extra categories….

Guy’s most vivid memory: Me saying, on Week Three, ‘That should be the end of the really physical work.’  He believes I was mistaken.
My most vivid memory: Bailing muddy water out of the pit one morning before work.  And now I’m SWIMMING in the same place!  WOO HOO!
Best people to work with: Darren the Digger (utter star) and Wrights Sheds.  And Guy, of course….
Worst people: THAT BLOODY BUILDER.
Most irritating aspect: All the people telling me ‘you don’t want to do it like that’, of which there were MANY.  I would just like to point out to them (a) it looks fantastic (b) it works and (c) we did most of it ourselves.  So there.

I have to say that both Guy and I are finding it distinctly surreal that We Have A Swimming Pool…..  I was reading something in the paper today about some famous person, it said ‘Elizabethan manor house, stables, indoor swimming pool…’ and I thought ‘ooh, that would be nice’ before thinking ‘I’VE GOT ONE OF THOSE…’  Maybe it’ll take a little time to sink in!  Guy and I have today spent a very pleasant afternoon in the pool celebrating with a bottle of champagne, being swirled around by the current and generally being Very Pleased With Ourselves.

And grinning like idiots…..

And the next project?  It’s Bank Holiday Monday, and we spent the morning sitting in Guy’s spare room discussing a new hatch to the loft, shelving, stripping wallpaper and a little bit of rebuilding….. easy peasy, really!

It looks good!!  Guy arrives and makes suitable admiring noises, we tighten everything up (hand tight, like the DVD says, so as not to crack the fittings) and put more water in the pool.  All seems fine! 

Guy goes, I go to do something else and then about half an hour later go back into the cabin to check.  DRIP, DRIP, DRIP.  In THREE PLACES!  One of them is not so much a drip as a torrent….  I phone Guy, who comes straight back and we both peer at the THREE offending joints.  Blunkett sits outside the cabin and points out to anyone who’ll listen that she Hasn’t Actually Had Any Dinner Yet.  By now it is getting dark, we use Wyn’s arc light, and we can’t see what’s wrong.  Apart from the fact that it’s leaking.  At which point I give up.  Completely and totally.  Obviously I Don’t Do Plumbing.  BUGGER.

We put the plugs back in to keep the water in the pool rather than the pipes, and Guy goes again – it’s late by this time – and I head for the phone to ring the local Spa fitter.  Who says yes, he can come and look at it – on Wednesday.

On Tuesday I have to confess I don’t even go into the cabin apart from a brief look to make sure it’s not leaking any more.  I am so tired by this time and it really seems as though it’s beyond me.

On Wednesday Andrew the Spa phones me at work at lunchtime to say he’s arrived and it all looks fine.  But, as I point out,  IT’S LEAKING!  I whizz home (thanking my lucky stars again for sympathetic work colleagues and flexi-time) and Andrew the Spa says apart from the fact it needs tightening it’s all fine.  He gets out the most enormous monkey wrench and starts tightening all the joints – they are tightened WAY BEYOND hand tight, and the thing stops leaking.  I am much comforted by his encouraging words and the fact that he actually knows about pools – I have realised that I know nothing about what I’m doing! 

We take the plugs out, the pipes fill with water – and they don’t leak!  I don’t add any more water because Guy and I are away for the weekend and I’d rather be here if it’s going to drip! On Thursday we add the roller for the security cover and on Friday we GO ON HOLIDAY!  We’re off to North Wales because Guy has three gigs over the weekend – pub sessions Friday night and Sunday lunchtime, and a wedding at Portmeirion on Saturday night.  We take the Smart (because it’s Fun!) and the drive up is spectacular – stunning scenery.  We are staying in a walker’s hostel in Tremadog, and it’s great – four poster bed and peace and quiet.  The gig on Friday night is not quite what we were told….. and the band end up playing all evening rather than just the one hour slot they were booked for.  I eat tough chicken from the local chippie and entertain myself while the band are setting up by misting up the windows in the car and then switching on the air conditioning to clear them again.  Who says a girl can’t have fun?

Saturday is free until the wedding, so we go to Criccieth and paddle in the sea and explore a fabulous little castle, then we head to Portmeirion – amazing place or what? 

Beautiful colours and buildings – quite extraordinary.  The other band members arrive and the equipment is set up for the evening, and we get more time to look around.  When we go back in the evening the wedding is running late, so we have another couple of hours to explore – except this time there are NO TOURISTS!  It is just us and the whole estate – so we explore all sorts of little paths and walkways… and play Poohsticks on the beach in the little rivers that are running out to see.  The gig is great, the band is excellent (as usual) and the bride looks stunning.

On Sunday Guy and I take the Blaenau Ffestinniog railway to…well, to Blaenau Ffestinniog.  This is a little steam train, it makes proper train noises and toots appropriately too.  All we have to do is sit still and admire the scenery…. Lakes, trees, forests, mountains and waterfalls.  Quite stunning yet again.

The lunchtime gig runs a little late (so what’s new?) and we finally get home about 8.15pm – and go to have a look at the cabin.  Wyn has visited over the weekend while we’ve been away, and the electrics are now ready to go…. All I have to do is fill the pool with water and Switch On!  Oh golly – this is crunch time!  My good friends Sarah and Vincent are coming to stay on Monday, so we decide we will wait for them and then have the Grand Switch On. 

Keep your fingers crossed!

Hours worked: Plumbing: about 3.  Wailing and gnashing my teeth about plumbing: 76.  No hours at all at the weekend – went away instead!
Achieved:  It’s plumbed and it’s stopped leaking, the electrics are connected, and the security cover roller is in place.
Wine consumed: No wine, but rather a lot of sloe gin on Monday night when the Damned Thing Leaked. 
Purchases and Pressies: a child’s fishing net bought in Criccieth for fishing racing ducks out of the pool.  Cost 99p and I am exceedingly pleased with it.  It’s green so it matches the Smart.  Well, what other colour would you buy?
Sarah’s tips on plumbing:  (1) ‘Hand tight’ means ‘get the monkey wrench on it and pull till you go blue in the face, (2) flexi pipe is The Best Thing Ever (3) when it leaks, Get a Man In.

On Tuesday I book Wednesday as a half day’s holiday from work in order to glue the plumbing.  But – Wyn can’t come.  I can’t plumb without the electrics being in place, I can’t put the cover over the pool without the plumbing in place, and I can’t (I don’t think) fill it with water without the cover.  Bugger.  Guy turns up with two more bottles of sloe gin bought on clearance.  One of them says ‘Sloe Licquer’ and, bearing in mind that we can’t get on with ANYTHING in the cabin, we drown our sorrows by having a tasting session….

On Wednesday I have my half day anyway, and also an extraordinary stroke of luck.  I leave for work earlier than usual and decide that, as I’m having half a day, I won’t need a paper to read at lunch time.  However, as I’m driving to work approaching the paper shop I decide, at the last nano-second, that I will stop after all.  When I’m in the shop a flat bed truck pulls up.  He has a load of stunning looking slabs that would be just perfect for the steps from the lawn up to the cabin.  I ask him if he'd like to sell me some, and he says they’re all promised for a job down the road, but that he can supply more.  We agree a price (very reasonable), I give him directions and I go to work.  During the afternoon he turns up with the slabs and I tell him what an amazing coincidence it was that we should meet.  It turns out it’s more amazing than I thought – he never normally drives that way to the job, and it’s the first day he’s taken that route.  Spooky or what?  Anyway, the slabs are lovely and so when Vincent and Sarah come to stay in two weeks’ time I have something for them to play with…

In the afternoon I add battens and polystyrene to the floor in readiness for the floorboards…

On Wednesday evening, still stumped on the plumbing front, Guy and I go off to do a car treasure hunt with the Woodlands Trust.  We do 7 out of 10 clues and then give up and head for the pub…  Worryingly, the water in the pool is beginning to go cloudy….

On Thursday my friend Anna comes to visit and so we lay floorboards.  Well, we do like to make our guests feel welcome….  I cut, and Guy and Anna wallop nails in.   I think I would have gone on all night but, probably luckily, we run out of nails and so we have to stop. 

The water in the pool really is cloudy, so I decide to syphon it out – we set it up and sadly watch the water LEAVING the pool.  Not good.  Guy, who is not feeling at all well, goes home – and Anna and I head for the pub for a meal.  Excellent pub, excellent food, girlie chat and putting the world to rights.  Can’t fault it!  And she gave me two lovely bangles to match the car.  Seriously!

On Friday more floorboards are delivered.  Weirdly, I seem to have miscalculated hugely on the quantity.   However, all becomes apparent when the new boards arrive – they are wider.  It seems that originally when I ordered 6” floorboards they delivered 4 ½ “.  It didn’t occur to me to measure them!  No wonder I don’t have enough.  The new boards obviously don’t match, so they will have to go back.  Guy and I do all we can with the ones we have … and then have to stop.  It seems only fair that I offer to cook after Guy’s hard work – so we have a Chinese takeaway.

On Saturday Wyn arrives to do more electrics, and Guy and I disappear to the builders merchants to sort out the floorboards.  Did I mention that I have now spent so much money there that I have been given a trade card?  Well – I have.  I am also on first name terms with all the staff….  We sort out the boards, and also select skirting board and more tongue and groove.  And then realise it won’t all fit in the car.  The lovely lads at the builder’s merchants say that they can deliver, so Guy goes on ahead and I get to ride in the lorry to explain where my house is.

We carry on floorboarding, and Wyn does more electrics.  I have to confess I don’t understand electricity AT ALL, so if he asks if the double sided screwed flangel widget should be on the wall, I just agree with whatever he is suggesting.  It seems more complicated than I had envisaged, and I am beginning to wonder if it will ever get finished.  I still can’t complete the plumbing, but Wyn promises to come back on Sunday to do yet more.  Guy has a gig and leaves at teatime, but Wyn carries on until about 7.  And after that I start sanding the floorboards….. physical job or what?  I had forgotten what hard work this is, and find that the only way I can operate the small sander is to stand with my feet wide apart and bend forward.  Boy, am I going to be stiff tomorrow!  However, I am fortified by sloe gin and chocolate in equal measures.  Damned fine idea.  I rough sand, medium sand and fine sand.  I have attached the vacuum cleaner to the sander and it seems to be collecting all the dust, and we have also covered the pool with a plastic sheet.  However, the vacuum arrangement might have been just a teensy bit more effective if I had remembered to Switch The Damned Thing On.  After sanding, I vacuum and then woodstain the floor.  By now it is 9pm, and I have been on the go since 7am…. I am KNACKERED.  And woodstained.  Which, as far as I can see, is a very good substitute for fake tan.  I am past cooking and resort to the Chinese takeaway again.  Except this time I can’t even face the washing up and eat with a plastic fork straight from the dishes….

On Sunday I am up at 6 to start varnishing the floor.  Thank goodness for Ronseal Quick Dry Floor Varnish (it does exactly what it says on the tin).  I do a second coat at 8 and another at 10.  Phew. 

Wyn arrives for more electrics and Guy and I start putting a wall on the end of the pool.  We can’t do all the way round as we have to leave a gap for the equipment panel – and we can’t do that until THE PLUMBING IS DONE.  Which can’t be done until THE ELECTRICS ARE DONE.  The panel is easy to do, so we run out of work relatively quickly. 

We sit in the kitchen and name all the ducks for the duck racing instead….  Wyn is having trouble with the electrics – the American labelling does not tally with the UK wiring so I phone the US helpline and wait for them to call back.  Then I phone the number of a UK pool installer called Andi – maybe he can help.   And this is another stroke of luck (that’s two in one week – I must check my lottery ticket!).  Andi is on his way from Milton Keynes to Plymouth and says that he can take a detour to Caerphilly to advise… Brilliant or what?  I gratefully take him up on his offer, and we wait.  Actually, we don’t just wait – I hurtle around tidying up the kitchen and making the outside loo cleaner…. I ignore the sitting room on the basis that it is a lost cause – because of needing the floor clear for varnishing, the Workmate and chop saw are now also in my sitting room.  Along with the new skirting board and tongue and groove and all the plumbing stuff which got abandoned and had to be moved out of the cabin….

Andi and his girlfriend Helen arrive – Andi is incredibly fragile as he has been kicked at point blank range by a horse and lost a kidney and a large chunk of his spleen.  Good grief.  I feel guilty at even making him get out of the car.  I make cups of tea all round, Andi and Wyn are introduced (Andi – Wyn, Wyn – Andi) and we leave them to it.  Helen, Guy and I sit in the kitchen and we tell her some of the adventures we have had along the way.  I can see her looking at the scars on my arm, so I am at some pains to point out that it was the cat that attacked me and that I do not self-harm….  And she likes the ducks!

Andi is an absolute star and gives all sorts of useful advice - he points Wyn in the right direction for the wiring (agreeing that it is tricky because of the US/UK thing), and tells me that I must remove the corners from the benches in the pool and fill it up again.  And that I’ve missed out two screws.  There is all sorts of other useful advice, and I am VERY glad that he has visited – Wyn is happier about the wiring, I am happier that I may one day have a pool that works, and Guy is happier because I’m happier.  Helen is lovely and admires the cabin.  And I still feel guilty about making Andi do anything other than breathe…..

They go, Wyn goes, I put in the two lost screws and start filling up the pool with water again…. Tomorrow we can plumb and really fill the pool up. HOORAY!  I still have no idea when it will all be connected and switched on, but I am still hopeful that it will be ready for the Grand Opening on 29th August….  I’m more of an optimist than I thought!

Hours worked: Not many in the week (well ok, I did the plumbing and the floor) but Saturday was 7am – 9pm, and Sunday was 6am – 9pm.  AAAARRRGGGHHH.  That’s Way Too Many hours!
Achieved:  Electrics ‘getting there’, dry plumbing sorted (but now dismantled again), pool emptied, pool half filled, flooring completed, half pool wall done.  Skirting boards stained once in readiness for fitting.
Wine consumed: None at all.  But my vast stocks of sloe gin are seriously depleted….
Pressies and purchases: Zippo.  Unless you count tongue and groove, skirting and more floorboards, bought with my new Builders’ Merchants Trade Card!
Plan for next week: Glue plumbing, fill up pool.  Electrics hopefully sometime.

Then we clear all the debris from inside the pit (that’s a LOT of debris – mostly wood and sawdust) and prepare to put down the felt which will be under the liner.  It gets glued to the floor with spray adhesive, and cut to size.  The spray adhesive is BLUE and it’s like that joke string that kids spray out of cans.  This is FUN!  The felt goes down beautifully, and before long we are standing in our socks on an expanse of thick soft black felt.  Pieces of polystyrene are glued into the corners to round them off, and we’re done for the day – easy or what? 

Except we do have one problem.  Up until now we’ve had a set of small steps inside the pool walls – climb up steps, swing leg over, stand on base outside pool.  Now we have removed the steps, but we are still inside the pool.  The walls are about 3’6” tall.  When the pool is finished there are ‘benches’ around the pool to stand on, but right now we have nothing.  Zilch.  Zippo.  The wall seems awfully tall.  The nice man in the DVD (James the Pool – Head of Everything at Endless Pools) gets in and out of the pool effortlessly, but we can’t remember how.  We look at the wall.  Guy tries first and gets stuck half way up.  I give him a leg up and he’s out.  I try backwards and get stuck half way up.  Then I try frontwards, end up sprawled on the surround and roll off on to the base outside the pool.  This cannot, in any circumstances, be called elegant.  But at least I’m out!  We decide James the Pool must be 7’4” tall, or there’s a knack we haven’t discovered yet….  We unwrap the liner and put it loosely in the pool to warm up ready for tomorrow.

On Tuesday evening I am HUGELY excited about putting the liner in – it will actually Look Like A Pool!  There’s a really neat way of doing the liner – you shove a vacuum hose through one hole inside the walls, seal all the other holes, add the liner and turn the vacuum on.  This then sucks the liner back against the walls and you can see if it fits without having to add water.  Neat or what?  I strap all the holes with duck tape, add the hose and then we pop the liner in. 

Again, this looks stunningly easy on the DVD and, again, IT IS!!!  WOO HOO!!!  There’s a beading on the edge, and it just slots in….  We fit it all the way round, turn on the vacuum and watch it do it’s stuff.  We decide we’re about 1” out and so we unslot it, move it and slot it back in again.  IT'S DONE!!!  One very smooth liner, no hassle, and a fantastic smell of rubber as well.  We inhale, admire and then try to get out of the pool again.  James is definitely 7’4” tall.

The next stage is to put the metal benches in – and the propulsion unit, which is heavy.  Guy and I decide it would be sensible to see if we can lift it between us without either (a) straining anything or (b) risking ripping the liner if we drop it.  We lift, we decide we need help – and think of Darren the Digger.  It is while we are peering at the propulsion unit at waist height that we spot something – it has been quite noticeably bent out of shape at the back.  As we haven’t moved the thing since it arrived, this must have been at the hands of Pickfords (The Careful Movers).  I don’t think it will fit as it is and, as the whole kit cost about £10k, I am loath to whack it with a hammer.  We decide we can’t arrange for Darren to come if we can’t put it in, Guy goes home, and I moodily go indoors to phone the US and see if it’s ok to bend it back into place.  I phone, it’s fine to ‘persuade’ it back to shape, so I try persuading.  My ‘persuading’ eventually involves a block of wood, a towel - and a whack with a hammer.  It works – nicely straightened back plate, all ready to be installed. 

On Wednesday I put a hosepipe in the pool and START FILLING IT WITH WATER WOO HOO!  Only to a depth of about 6”, but it’s water, nonetheless.  And I phone Darren who says he would be delighted to come and help lift the unit on Thursday evening.

On Thursday morning I excitedly tell Jo at work that there is 6” of water in the pool.  ‘Did you put it in or is there a leak?’ she asks.  Oh ye of little faith…..

Before Darren arrives in the evening, Guy and I do the preparation work on the benches – adding the fin shaped pieces to the corners, and getting the side benches ready. 

Darren duly arrives, peels off his shoes and socks, rolls up his trousers and climbs into the pool. Without even complaining that The Water Is Cold.  Guy and I lift from outside the pool, Darren holds the unit on the edge, I climb into the pool too, we both lift – and hey presto, one unit in the pool! 

Darren leaps out effortlessly (he’s obviously also 7’4” tall) and I do a slightly more elegant escape at a corner.  Darren leaves us to it and we put in the remaining benches – which all fit together beautifully.  This is really quite amazing.  After all the hassle and problems, the pool is just a dream to fit.  Like IKEA flat packs but better.  We get all the benches in and fixed, and put the hosepipe back in. 

Then, just because we haven’t done enough for one evening, we fling floorboards down in what will be the equipment room – so that we can get them stained and varnished before we need to PUT THE EQUIPMENT IN AT THE WEEKEND WOO HOO!

On Friday evening the water is a couple of inches over the benches so I hop in to add the corner covers.  JEEZ THIS WATER IS COLD!!  The corners slot in beautifully and are screwed in.  I continue filling the water to just under the spaces needed for the plumbing.  Whoever gets in the pool next (and somebody will need to) will have to be prepared to FREEZE TO DEATH.  The water will be about mid thigh height….. and cold!  One major bonus of having added the benches is that I can now climb out elegantly.  Or as elegantly as it gets, anyway.

Guy arrives on Saturday morning and I explain about the Very Cold Water.  He coughs impressively and mutters something about a bad chest… so it’s me that climbs in.  Actually, I quite like the water this cold (it’s Very Invigorating) and am wondering whether the heater isn’t an unnecessary addition…..  

We do all the pool front connections which, again, go like a dream, and we put the skimmer in. 

We also fit the hydraulic hoses and I explain the dynamics of the hydraulic system to Guy.  It’s so well explained on the DVD that even I understand it and, by the time I’ve finished, so does Guy.  I am secretly quite chuffed that I actually understand how this pool works!

Wyn arrives to do more electrical stuff and, as there isn’t enough room for all three of us to work in the equipment room, Guy and I do more of the landscaping outside….  By the time Wyn has finished, we have a box on the wall, several cables and A DOUBLE SOCKET WOO HOO!  Again, Progress!

On Saturday evening Guy is still coughing well, so we sit at opposite ends of the sofa and watch the plumbing bit on the DVD.  James the Pool is most endearing – he gets glue on his fingers, says his knees creak and knocks things over.  This is Most Comforting – he’s a Normal Person!

On Sunday Guy and I play with the plumbing and we have the DVD rigged up in the cabin because I am not sure I know what I’m doing.  I just knew we’d hit a snag sooner or later!  First bit – fine. Second bit – on DVD it very clearly says ‘screw this in here’.  No screw thread on the bit we have to screw in to.  And it doesn’t look like a slip fitting either.  (That’s me pretending I know what a slip fitting is).  We watch it again.  It should definitely screw.  It definitely doesn’t.  Endless Pools have a ‘weekend installation helpline’.  I can phone it.  Except it’s 11am in the UK, and probably only 5am (on a Sunday) in the US.  So I don’t phone it. We think maybe we can start from the other end, and we look at all the equipment to be plumbed in.  There’s a filter and a pump and a heater.  This time I get REALLY scared because I REALLY don’t know what I’m doing.  We decide to get the local ‘Spa and Sauna’ man to come and do the plumbing, and I am suddenly much calmer, having made a decision.  I phone the ‘Spa and Sauna man’.  Very nice chap, he’d love to come and do it, problem sorted.  Except he can’t come before the end of September.  BUGGER.  He says it’s really very simple and he’s sure I can do it.  He clearly has more confidence in my abilities than I do….  So now it’s pouring with rain, we’re stumped on the plumbing, and we can’t do anything outside.  Only one thing to do – abandon the pool! 

After a quick lunch we go off to see the latest Harry Potter film.  Which is excellent, although I do find myself admiring the floorboards in Dumbledore’s study….

Later (at a more reasonable hour for the US) I phone the weekend helpline and speak to Keith who is incredibly reassuring and, yes, we can just glue it and, yes, it will be fine.  Phew.  By now it is 7pm and I am not about to start fiddling with the plumbing, so I have a large sloe gin instead. 

Hours worked this week: All of them.  Actually, it hasn’t been too strenous (apart from Saturday which was a long day starting with varnishing floorboards at 7am) and real progress has been made.  Frustrating Sunday.
Achieved:  Liner in, benches in, front unit in, water in, through wall plumbing done, ‘Go Faster’ button sorted, electricity connected to cabin, equipment room floored.  Phew – I hadn’t realised we’d done Quite So Much!
Casualties:  Some good bruises, very cold feet in the water.
New Friends: Madeleine at the Clock Shop who is now reading the previous fourteen back instalments of this saga, and Bryan on Ebay from whom I have bought ten plastic ducks…
Purchases and Pressies:  Ten plastic ducks (see above).  Essential for Grand Opening.  (If it ever happens….)
Update on sitting room: LOADS of boxes emptied, can see floor again!
Update on stupid cat: There was a bit of black felt left over from under the liner, so I folded it up and lobbed it onto one of the boxes in the sitting room.  Cat (BB – the One Who Attacks Humans) has decided it is Just The Best Place Ever To Sleep.  This despite the fact that there is a bed, three sofas, a cat bed and a warm furry thing in a sunny windowsill.  See – I said he was Thick.
Wine consumed: A bottle on Saturday (it was very hot) and an exceedingly large sloe gin on Sunday evening after the frustration with the plumbing.  Bad news on the sloe gin front – the local supermarket is discontinuing it!  I bought the last two bottles on clearance.  Mum saw it too in a different branch, and also bought the last two bottles on clearance.  Excellent!  I have FOUR bottles to drink….
Plan for next week:  Plumbing (I can do this, I can do this, I can do this) and electrics.  We should be SWIMMING by next Sunday….. (the crucial word there is ‘should’….)

On Tuesday Gareth the Wood arrives to do the surround, Guy and I are both off work to help – which basically means being around in case there are any questions.  Luckily Gareth just gets on with it.   But slowly.  Very s-l-o-w-l-y.

This is the pool at 11am:

PIC and at 3pm:

Patience.  I must have PATIENCE.

Guy and I stay around but not helping much – we decide to make the path alongside the French windows of the cabin.

This is what it looks like before we start….

The path is going to be gravel, but to stop it all falling down the hill we put in hideous green lawn edging as a temporary measure until the earth is all in place.  It looks entirely gruesome.  I try to convince myself it’s temporary, but it’s still gruesome. 

Then we add slabs to the sand, gravel between the sand, and by the end of the day – hey presto, A PATH!!!  And it’s BRILLIANT!  We are Very Pleased With Ourselves.

It is agreed that Gareth will come back again on Wednesday and that I won’t wait to see him which is probably just as well as he doesn’t turn up till 1pm…  When I get home from work, he’s not there again, and progress has been, er, slow.

Guy arrives to view progress… except there isn’t really any, and then Gareth reappears to carry on.  I mow the grass, and Guy walks in front of the mower rescuing baby frogs from it’s path so that they don’t get decapitated.  Guy goes, Gareth carries on, I put off having dinner till he’s finished, change my mind and eat standing up in the kitchen, Gareth ACTUALLY FINISHES the surround and leaves at 10.45pm.  I head straight for bed!

On Thursday I get up early (this is becoming a habit) and want to oil the surround – it was just TOO late last night, and it was also very dark despite the lovely fairy lights….  However, I discover it needs WAY more sanding than I had thought possible, so it will have to wait until after work.  Instead I measure the floor, calculate what I need for the flooring and go to the builder’s merchants to order it for delivery on Friday.  I have an email from Wyn to say can he please come on Sunday to do more electricals and I phone him up to say YES PLEASE.  Excellent news!  In the evening I spend over an hour sanding the surround…. and then oil it.  It’s a lovely job putting oil on, very soothing.  I feel calm and serene and optimistic. 

On Friday the flooring is delivered late, which puts paid to the calm, serene and optimistic feelings….  And in the evening I sand and oil the surround again.  Guy cooks us dinner and we curl up on the sofa with a DVD.  Of the pool installation.  We watch the nice calm man on the DVD who makes everything look easy showing us how to put in the liner.  And making it look easy.  This is EXCITING STUFF.  Once there is a liner it will look like it will be a pool SOON!

On Saturday we hoover around the pool walls to clear up all the sawdust left from the surround work.  Then we put Jablite insulation against the pool walls.  And hoover around the pool walls to clear up all the Jablite left from insulating the pool walls.  Guy puts a final coat of oil on the surround, and I put the LAST COAT of woodstain on the rear of the stud wall.  NO MORE WOODSTAIN!!!  Or at least, not till I make the outer pool walls…. 

In the afternoon we do – nothing.  I know, I know – you don’t believe it, but it’s true.  We sit out in the first proper day of glorious sunshine – and do nothing.  For at least two hours.  Then we shove the enormous doorstep into place (thank goodness for crowbars and brute force).  In the evening we get properly dressed up and go out for a meal and to see Spiderman 2 at the cinema.  Just like normal people!  We don’t talk pool stuff at all – well, apart from discussing suitable artwork, which isn’t really pool stuff.  And the film is great, although I still don’t understand why the policemen couldn’t just shoot the baddie.  Except that it would have made it a much shorter film….

On Sunday it’s even hotter - we polish the surround and Wyn arrives to do electrical stuff, while Guy and I move three tons of gravel and 10 bales of compost.  Excellent plan for a hot day!  Janice comes too and kindly does the washing up from lunch while Wyn does more electrics and Guy and I rake gravel and shovel compost.

I stuff some plants in.  (Eat your heart out, Alan Titchmarsh).  Yes, I know the hideous green stuff is still in place – and, yes, I know it’s still hideous.  It will have to stay put until the ground has stabilised in a couple of weeks.  But the plants help cover it.  A bit.

Hours worked:  Tuesday’s path took about 8 hours, Saturday was about 4 hours, and Sunday ended up being a stonking 12 hours!!!  It’s now Sunday night, and I’m too tired to add that lot up….
Achieved:  A POOL SURROUND! A path, a gravel front, doorstep, planting, an electric cable through the wall of the cabin and a fuse box in place….
Wine consumed: Several bottles – well, we had to celebrate Guy being home! And a fair bit of sloe gin – Gareth drove me to it.
Purchases and pressies: All the flooring.  Does that count? Two lovely planters for outside the stable door, lots of compost.  And I bought a swimsuit so that I can look gorgeous (?) in all the photos I’m going to take when I HAVE A POOL WHICH WILL BE SOON!
Casualties:  Don’t think there were any – and no dead frogs either.  However, I do have some very interesting bruises… and some Seriously Stiff Muscles from all that gravel moving…
Cock-up of the Week.  There wasn’t one!  Well, apart from a mercy dash to get plugs and the surround taking two days instead of one….

On Monday I set to work staining the ceiling.  Again.  I know that it took 3 ½ hours on Saturday, so Karen at work (thank you again Karen) does my late turn at the office for me and I whiz home to get cracking.  It doesn’t seem to take so long as the first coat (soaks in less) but then I am somewhat thwarted by Dave the Miller turning up with the new surround corners.  Which is fine, but he does rather like to natter…. 45 minutes later he finally trundles off, and I get back to the staining….  However, the good news is that he ADMIRES the cabin and says we’re going A Good Job.  Praise indeed!

On Tuesday the last coat of stain goes on – HOORAY!  And a second coat on the stable door end wall and the window wall.  I ceremonially dump my cheap trousers and T shirt because they are now entirely able to stand up by themselves.  I decide it really would be useful to move the electrics on, and phone Wyn the Wire.  No reply, so I email him instead asking if he could come and do something at the weekend….

On Wednesday morning I meet a very bedraggled and bewildered lost dog in the lanes on my way to work, pick her up and pop her in the car, ring the number on her tag and go meet her owner to hand her over.  The owner is delighted to find that Shirley (bedraggled dog) is alive and well – apparently she’s 14 years old, prone to fits, and the owner thought she’d wandered off to die.  She insists I have £10 to buy myself a bunch of flowers – I pick flowers from the garden and buy sloe gin instead – and will raise a glass to Shirley until I finish the bottle.  Once at work, I find that there is a distinct smell of stale pee.  Naturally I blame the temp sitting next to me until (some hours later) I figure out it’s me – Shirley must have been wiffier than I thought!  Karen lends me some ‘lemon body spray’ and I douse myself liberally, probably much to the relief of everyone in the office, though they’re far too polite to say…  After work I finish the stable door wall and the window wall and whiz up to Guy’s house to find his electricity off and his freezer defrosted.  I plan to repaint his sitting room (the one where the new log burner was installed and the walls are a weird shade of ‘soot’) so get cracking.  The paint is exactly the same colour as the previous paint.  Which would be A Good Thing if we hadn’t already decided it was A Horrible Colour.  So I stop. 

Back home, I decide to play with the fairy lights in the cabin.  The plan is to have lights and ivy trailing across the rafters.  The fake ivy looks revolting, but the lights look FAB!  I don’t know whether they’ll give enough light, so I lob them over the rafters very roughly and wait for it to get dark.  Later on I go back out to see what it looks like – FANTASTIC!!!  The lights need to be a little better arranged and they will look BRILLIANT.  I am now really excited!

OK, so now for the seriously unpleasant news this week.  On Wednesday I have an email from Wyn the Wire to say sorry, he can’t do any electrics at the weekend, Janice’s (wife’s) younger sister has been murdered by her boyfriend who has gone on the run from the police.  BLOODY HELL.  This is the sort of thing that doesn’t happen to ordinary people.  BLOODY HELL.  There’s not much else to say really, except BLOODY HELL.  There is no way I’m going to get another electrician when Wyn has done so much work already and in the greater scheme of things it doesn’t matter when the pool gets finished, so I’ll wait until he’s ready to continue.

On Thursday I take Guy’s car to work so that I can collect more tongue and groove after work.  Work gets really busy, the woodmerchants closes and I drive home with an empty car….  In the evening I meet up with Anna in town for a free concert as part of the Cardiff Festival – good meal, good concert – certainly beats putting woodstain on ceilings!

On Friday I take Guy’s car to work again and collect as much T&G as I can fit in the car.  Once home I play with the fairy lights!  And they do look GORGEOUS!

Saturday turns out to be a little more hectic than I had planned.  Blunkett has been in the kennels, but they’re full this weekend, so I go to fetch her.  She looks very forlorn and is absolutely delighted to see me – she hurtles round in circles, throws herself on her back and waves all her feet in the air.  And she KEEPS TELLING ME HOW HAPPY SHE IS I HAVE RESCUED HER.  Boy, Guy is going to have to go some to beat this welcome…. We go to Guy’s house and paint the walls in his soot filled sitting room with better coloured paint.  Home again to stick Jablite in the stud wall (yes, Vincent, I know you said it wasn’t necessary but I thought if later on I thought it was necessary it would be a nuisance and it’s much easier to do it now than later…) Then I go to The Big Cheese (Caerphilly’s version of the Cardiff Festival) to do my stint on the stand for the Caerphilly Woodlands Trust – we are encouraging people to plant a tree for free and it’s exceedingly popular!  I do two hours of chatting to people about trees (mostly winging it as I haven’t done my homework) and see someone unexpectedly from my office – Anne, whose new baby is just ONE WEEK OLD.  Already she is out and about and both she and the baby are looking terrific.  We both do the ‘EEK - What are YOU doing here’ thing and then her hubby says they’ll come and plant a tree.  Excellent!  Then it’s back to Guy’s for one more coat on the walls, home again to T&G the stud wall and stain it, dinner and BED.  Phew.

Sunday is luckily more peaceful – I go to Guy’s to do more soot cleaning and end up sootier than the house.  I put everything back where it should be and it looks CLEAN.  Unlike me.  I begin to wonder if my fingernails will ever be anything but black again…. Then I mow the grass, pick up the bits without gloves and my fingernails go from black to green.  I look like Shrek …

On the cabin front, there’s not much to do – one more coat on the stud wall, a bit of tidying up, and now it’s all ready for Gareth the Wood to add the surround on Tuesday.  The surround is currently spread out in the sitting room being oiled on a 6 hour cycle.  The whole house stinks of oil!  One teensy snag – I have to add the speed assembly to the metal pool walls before the surround goes on – more of those self-tapping screws that I DON’T LIKE.  This time it goes through one layer then the whole assembly spins like crazy – I’ll have another crack at it on Monday!

Hours worked: All of them when I wasn’t asleep.  I shan’t be upset if I never see woodstain again…
Achieved: CEILING IS FINISHED WOO HOO! Back of stud wall insulated and finished, just one more coat of stain needed.  Fairy lights in place, surround being oiled.
Wine consumed: No wine, lots of sloe gin (but I have a whole new bottle to go at thanks to Shirley).
Purchases and pressies: Does more T&G count?
News update: They police have caught Janice’s sister’s murdering boyfriend.  Good.
Cockup of the week: Dave the Miller (who delivered new corners at such length) did NOT deliver ‘plugs’ as agreed with Gareth the Wood.  I will phone on Monday and see if they can be done FAST.  I can see the surround being put off AGAIN.  My nerves may not take it….
Update from Spain: Guy, for some reason known only to himself, put a bottle of wine in his melodeon case.  And it broke.  Result:  one soggy melodeon and a trail of wine across the hotel foyer…  Melodeon luckily not damaged apart from the smell of wine, still playable!  That’ll teach him to smuggle wine out of restaurants…..

The Monday and Tuesday bit works fine.  We tongue and groove till we are heartily sick of it – it’s a BIG ceiling.  Slight hitch on Monday when the remaining wood is delivered – meant to be cut to size, but actually not cut to size.  Still, we set up the mitre saw with a new lump of wood at the right place, and cut all 96 pieces ourselves….

On Tuesday we finish the last bit of the ceiling and I realise we also need to put in the ‘liner hanger’ before the surround (due to be delivered Wednesday) can be fitted on Friday.  Not to worry, we agree we’ll do it Wednesday before our Romantic Meal.

On Wednesday the wood is delivered for the surround (looks lovely – needs four coats of oil before Friday, so plan to do one later) and we fit the liner hanger.  Fiddly job, uses self tapping screws – which are incredibly vicious self drilling little buggers.  Our underpowered drill ‘snatches’ at the end of every screw, so it is hard on the hands.  We agree that Guy shouldn’t do it, given that he does actually need all ten of his fingers to play the melodeon and it is a music tour he is going on…. So I do it.  All the ones through the single metal thickness are fine.  First one on the double thickness:  nope.  Not A Hope.  Doesn’t even dent the metal.  Try another screw – same result.  Try drilling a pilot hole – snap two drill bits.  The air is BLUE.  Yes, ok, by me – Guy has the patience of a saint.  I don’t!  Try another TWO screws – same problem. 

Decide to abandon screws in double thickness, and do the bits we can.  Easy peasy (apart from the still snatching drill).  Come to another double part – try it, easy peasy.  Go back to original problem hole – easy peasy.  We must have had FOUR blunt tapping screws in a row – what are the odds on that??  Make mental note to buy lottery ticket – am obviously lucky on high odds this week…..

Eventually finish liner hanger.  Just need to bung one quick coat of Danish Oil on surround before late dinner….  We oil surround.  Easy job, wood is beautiful – going to look gorgeous.  We stand back to admire it.  The wood looks different colours.   We have a closer look.  The wood is different colours.  There are four long straight pieces for the sides and ends, and four corner pieces.  The long pieces are in golden iroko, and the corners are in red iroko.  IT’S GOING TO LOOK LIKE A BLOODY PATCHWORK QUILT.  I Am Not Happy.  This, yet again, comes under the heading of ‘I don’t believe it’ and I think I am slowly turning into Victor Meldrew….

I phone the wood miller.  Answerphone.  I phone his mobile.  Turned off.  I phone his office and leave distinctly terse message on his answerphone.  It is getting late and I still need to do flyers for Guy to take to Spain, and take up his new trousers.  And there’s some serious stomping around to be done….

Guy cooks, I do flyers, alter trousers, get grumpier.  We finally eat about 10.30 at night, sit down cosily for a glass of wine – and both fall asleep. 

On Thursday Guy flies off to the sunshine and music, and I do very little apart from work.  To his credit (this man is brave) the wood miller phones me at 8.15 on Thursday morning to say he had no idea it was different colours, he’ll sort it etc etc etc.  We agree that he and the carpenter will both come to the cabin on Friday to discuss the new plan of action.  Thursday evening Wyn the Wire comes round and drills two holes I need in the metal pool surround, and has a look at what’s arrived.  It’s like Christmas – most of the boxes in the sitting room are opened, and we find a pump, a heater, an electric box thing and a timer.  Wyn is suitably impressed by the American efficiency, and goes home with the video and instructions to do his homework.

On Friday I have my day off (booked to have the surround fitted, now being used to get the patchwork quilt effect sorted) and Gareth the Wood and Dave (the wood miller) duly arrive.  They haven’t met before, so I do introductions:  ‘Gareth – Dave, Dave – Gareth’.  We start talking wood.  Then they both enter into what can only be describe as ‘wood-one-upping’ about the hardest woods they have cut.  Dave:  ‘I had a piece of yew once that blunted three blades’.  Gareth:  ‘I had a piece of oak that was so tough it broke my saw’.  Dave:  ‘My piece of oak was so tough it bent the nail on a power hammer’.  Gareth:  ‘My piece of oak was even tougher – it shattered the nail.’  It is like verbal ping-pong – I think Gareth wins, but it is a close run thing.   I am SO glad that Guy isn’t around – we would not be able to keep straight faces…. 

They are dragged back to the matter in hand, agree to lose a bit on the golden lengths which is spare, cut it off, Dave takes it (and the red corners) away and promises to let me have the new golden corners soon.  Trouble is, Gareth is now away at Butlins for a week, so it will all come to a grinding halt…  I move the remaining pieces into the sitting room to get them out of the way of the work in the cabin.  My poor sitting room.  I’d only just emptied it of tongue and groove….

I spend the rest of Friday fiddling covering bits of ceiling that weren’t covered by whole pieces of tongue and groove with cut down pieces of tongue and groove.   I discover talents I didn’t know I had with a chisel…. 

On Saturday I add tongue and groove to the stud wall.  Which is fine, I really do have the hang of T&G now, except that every single nail is fitted either by being down in the pit or up on the staging.  Like a step class but with bigger steps… and lasting longer.  It takes me about two hours.  I just KNOW that I’m going to ache tomorrow…  Once the wall is covered, the ‘equipment room’ at the far end resembles the black hole of Calcutta.  Note to Wyn the Wire:  WE NEED LIGHT IN HERE SOON!  The back of the stud wall still needs tongue and grooving – but that can wait!

In the afternoon, for a little light relief, I put the base coat of stain on the ceiling.  Sarah’s tip for staining ceilings: get some other mug to do it.  Stain in my hair, down my arms, up my nose (I know, I know – don’t breathe) and in my eyes.  This latter somewhat alarming.  Stings like hell – I am aware of dire warnings on can: In the event of contact with the eyes, rinse well and consult a doctor.  Yes, well, I don’t have time for that, apart from the fact it would mean climbing down from the staging/ladder AGAIN.  Better solution: burst into tears.  Works a treat – sort of washing from the inside….

By Saturday evening the ceiling (including the trusses) is stained.  I am stained.  My clothes are indescribably disgusting, and my hair is a funny colour.  I cleanse my face with white spirit (mmm, nice) and have a long hot bath – doesn’t work, still stink of white spirit.

On Sunday I have a DAY OFF!  I have a girlie day out with Anna who is thinking of getting a Smart car – so only thing to do is go out to play for the day.  We have coffee, shop, and a picnic on the beach watching a riding class fall off their horses.  And Anna gets to drive the Smart all day.  Excellent idea.  In the evening for a little light relief I mow the grass, weed the flowerbeds, deadhead the roses and kill ants with that lovely white powdery stuff….

Hours worked: Totally lost count.  Every evening, all of Saturday (including the ‘step class’ which counts double) none on Sunday.  Let’s just call it Lots Of Hours.

Achieved:  Stud wall tongued and grooved, ceiling and trusses stained with base coat (only two top coats to go…), Sarah stained with base coat, liner hanger in, long bits of wood surround oiled.  No corners.

Cock-Up of the week.  This is a new category, and one sort of left over from last week – when we put up the pool sides and pushed them against the wall, I forgot to add polystyrene sheeting to the outside of the pool walls as insulation.  Once it was against the wall it couldn’t be reached.  Solution:  Tip polystyrene chips down gap between wall and pool.  No problem.  Problem:  Can’t fit polystyrene in Smart.  End up borrowing Guy’s car at 6.30am on Wednesday and Thursday to go get chips.  Get too many, take one bag back on Friday.  Hell, who needs sleep anyway???

Purchases and Pressies: Three bags of polystyrene chips from my new friend Charlie at the polystyrene factory.

Wine consumed: Not a lot – we were working too hard to drink anything!  OK, so Guy pressed a large sloe gin on to me on Wednesday evening when the surround went pear shaped, and we finished a bottle of wine before nodding off too.

Wish of the week: Bigger ears, so that my pencil would stay put.  Would be useful for tongue and grooving.  Or one of those fab builder’s belt things that you can Put Things In.

Plan for Week Thirteen: Two more coats of stain on the ceiling, tongue and groove back of stud wall, stain it three times, two more coats of stain on door end and window side, get proper colour corners.  And go to work….

So here’s the plan for the week:

Tuesday:  Surround arrives, start oiling it. Have bought oil in readiness.
Wednesday:  Continue oiling surround.
Thursday:  Pool arrives. In bits. Assemble pool walls after work. More oiling.
Friday:  Carpenter arrives to put surround on walls.
Weekend:  Useful friends arrive to stay. Install pool.

Tuesday morning woodmill bloke phones: wood is no good, will have to bond narrow pieces together to get width for corners, glue needs to set, Friday delivery earliest. Promptly cancel carpenter, rearrange for Monday. Decide to rapidly finish tongue and grooving cabin walls instead (to make maximum use of incredibly handy friends staying for weekend). Need more tongue and groove for ceiling. Hurtle home from work, measure up, whizz to builders merchants, can't do quantity required.  Whizz to other builders merchants (arrive 1 minute before closing) yes no problem, delivery Friday all cut to size. Continue staining bits already done, do another wall. Eat dinner about 10pm. Phew.  Guy has had a day’s holiday and has spent it doing tongue and groove, and shifting one ton of sand and two tons of gravel.  Some holiday!

Wednesday I am surprisingly tired…. Or maybe it’s not that surprising.  After work I pick up my new work boots – so comfortable I may just wear them to work….  We do more tongue and groove, cutting pieces outside the cabin in a force 8 gale.  Luckily the rain holds off until we have finished.  Tidy up in cabin in readiness for delivery tomorrow!!!  Torrential rain all night.

Thursday (the pit base is DRY despite all the rain) I go to work and leave mum sitting at home waiting for the pool to be delivered.  She says she will send me a text when it arrives.  I stay at work, no text arrives.  I get home about 4.30 - no sign of any pool, one slightly hacked off mother saying nothing ever arrives when she's in charge (remember the Npower man, Week Six?) so I phone Pickfords who do a bit of investigating and say that yes, the pool will be with me about 6pm and that the crew have been held up by the high winds.  Mum goes, I get changed to continue tongue and grooving, hear noises of lorry approaching and see it, rather faster than expected, coming up the lane.  Big lorry.  Very tall lorry.  I step up to speak to the driver, tell him he can turn at the end of the lane, step back, he revs up … and drives smack into the oak tree.  Big 'BANG', big dent in roof, big dent in oak tree.  I am more concerned about the 200 year old oak tree - driver is more concerned about phoning his office and telling them it wasn't his fault.  He is on the phone WITHIN 5 SECONDS OF HITTING THE TREE saying 'the customer told me I could drive up the lane she didn't say there would be a problem with the tree.'  So it's my fault then!  I am firmly of the opinion that a lorry driver SHOULD KNOW HOW TALL HIS BLOODY LORRY IS and it makes for a rather frosty start.  The other two men start unpacking the crate.  There are a lot of screws to undo, and they don't have an electric screwdriver, so I lend them mine.  One of the men is mute, the other is doing all the work, and the driver is still phoning his office and writing out a statement using a pen and pad he borrowed from me.  They ask where I want stuff.  'In the house, mostly, apart from the big bits which can go straight in the cabin.'  'But it's a swimming pool'.  'Yes, and it's packed in little boxes'.  They now think I am having a swimming pool in my sitting room.  I cannot be bothered to explain.  The driver stands behind the lorry and we agree he will have to reverse down the lane.  He asks me if it bends.  As this is the way he has just driven up, I am a little at a loss to describe exactly how it bends, and suggests that he walks down it for a look.  He comes back and pours himself a cup of tea from a flask.  The others carry on.  Guy arrives (on foot thanks to my 'Don't Bring Car Lane Blocked They Have Hit The Oak Tree' text) and commiserates about lorry drivers.

Eventually they are finished, they leave me with a Customer Satisfaction Questionnaire (boy, that'll be FUN to do – let’s make a start with the company slogan [Pickfords – The Careful Movers]) and start reversing.  Forty minutes later they are still there.  Apparently the driver stopped half way and lit his pipe.  I go into the house and head for the Sloe Gin.  Straight from the bottle…. 

When I have recovered slightly we go up to the cabin and put all the pieces in more logical places, admire all the lovely boxes in the sitting room, and agree that actually we are Very Grateful that the carpenter isn't coming on Friday and we don't have to assemble the side panels there and then, even if it is only supposed to take an hour!

We have a look at the oak tree – the bark is broken and there is what looks like a split.  It may be necessary to get the tree surgeon back.  I am somewhat comforted by the fact that the noise when it was hit was a BANG rather than a splitting noise.  I am getting good at recognising ‘tree being hit by vehicle’ noises (remember Cwmbran Skip Hire, Week One?).  This is not good.  The mishaps from early on are beginning to repeat themselves….

Friday Guy and I both have a day off and we tongue and groove (again) and take delivery of staging to reach the ceiling, more gravel to landscape the outside, more Jablite to insulate the pool, and T&G to actually do the ceiling.  Except it is meant to be cut to size and delivered.  Only about a third of what we need is delivered, and none of it is cut to size…. Hey ho.  I also have a bit of a tidy up so that I can actually see my sitting room floor…

On Saturday our very good friends Sarah and Vincent arrive to help with the pool – and, boy, do we make them work hard!  We spend Saturday putting in the enormous wood pillar that will mark the end of the stud wall.  Luckily, Vincent understands what is needed and gets to work with the chain saw.  The rest of us hold the wood in place.  Vital job.

We take two panels of insulation out of the ceiling, put the pillar up, put the insulation back, and then tongue and groove as much of the ceiling as we can manage with the wood we have.  There is one huge knot hole in the wood – big enough to see the insulation through.  Vincent has met this before – the solution is to put a cork in the hole.  Damned fine excuse for a bottle or two, if I may say so.  Just in case the first cork isn’t the right size, of course.

We duly oblige, including a bottle of champagne that I have been saving For A Special Occasion – we decide this is A Special Occasion, and so now I have a cork in my ceiling that clearly says ‘MOET’.  Cool or what?
And no – I’m not going to tell you where it is, you’ll all have to hunt for it when you come to the Grand Pool Opening.  Probably in 2007….

On Sunday we (that’s ‘we’ as in ‘mostly Vincent and Sarah’) put up the stud wall …

and then PUT THE WALLS OF THE POOL IN!!  Wow – this is the first bit of ‘real pool stuff’.  It doesn’t take the ‘one hour’ mentioned – more like three, but that’s partly because it’s down in the pit and hard to reach.  I have to say I take a bit of a back seat – I think I’m all ‘pooled out’ and it certainly wouldn’t have got done without Sarah and Vincent.  

And I still want to kill the builder – the pit base is a sandy mix and not great to drill the base into.  It’ll be fine, but he could have made it easier!

Sarah is the first to swim in the pool.  OK, so she was lying on the small steps and pretending to do breaststroke but, hey, it’s a start!

Hours worked:  I’m not counting any more.  Apart from working and sleeping, all I do is Pool Stuff.
Achieved:  Where to start?  Pool is delivered, walls covered in T&G, ceiling half done, pillar and stud wall up, POOL WALLS IN!
Casualties:  I have wood stain on my New Boots.  Still – they are meant to be work boots, and the steel toecaps were very useful for positioning the metal sides of the pool….
Wine consumed: Quite a lot of bottles (we had visitors!) and a bottle of champagne because I wanted to put the cork in the ceiling.  As good a reason as any, I think. 
Pressies and Purchases: Guy is off to Spain for 10 days on Thursday to play at a music festival, so he bought me something to be busy with while he’s away.  2kg of dried sloes!!!  Now I can make my own supplies of sloe gin…  He has promised to help me finish the ceiling before he goes anywhere….
Plan for next week:  Wood surround arrives Wednesday, Carpenter on Friday, electrician at the weekend.  Don’t worry – it’ll change!

On Thursday Guy comes round in the evening to put Jablite in the walls ready for tongue and grooving.  I have stomach spasms now so spend the evening bent double saying ‘you’ve missed a bit’ which I am sure is Most Helpful.  The pit base bitumen doesn’t get any air circulating on it, and the forecast is for more rain, so the blower and dehumidifier are back to help dry the base out.  As we don’t want to stand on the pit base, Guy balances precariously on planks across the top of it.  I must admit a lot of my thoughts lately have been heading towards ‘why did I make the pool partially inground?’.  I’m sure it’ll be Lovely When It’s Finished although I may well be heading for a nervous breakdown in the process….

Messy stuff to cut, Jablite.  We don’t want it sticking to the still slightly tacky bitumen, so Guy cuts it in the sitting room.  Bits everywhere.  Still – look on the bright side:  the bits of polystyrene take the eye away from the collections of dust.  I haven’t done any housework in weeks! 

The cats have enjoyed having an adventure playground in the sitting room and clearly want to keep it this way for ever.  No chance.  Still not very keen on cats.

On Friday Guy does more Jabliting and I am not much help – I’m still having stomach spasms.  The chemist’s pills are pretty damned useless but we do eventually find a cure – SLOE GIN!  Must be something to do with relaxing the muscles.  One large gin later, and I am spasm-less for the first time in a week!  Hooray!  Except that was the end of the gin…

I phone the haulage company who pretend they have never heard of me, say it usually takes about 10 days for them to get round to delivering things, and they’ll have to see when they have a lorry ‘coming down your way’.  The current plan is:  Pool arrives Monday/Tuesday, by which time we have the two necessary walls insulated and tongued and grooved and stained.  Wood surround arrives Tuesday, I start oiling it.  Guy and I assemble pool walls Wednesday/Thursday evenings, carpenter comes Friday to fit surround, two good friends (Sarah and Vincent and no, they have NO IDEA what they are letting themselves in for) stay next weekend to help install pool.  Teensy snag if the pool doesn’t actually turn up, then….  I speak to woodmill man about the surround who says ‘I’m waiting for the woodmerchants to send me the wood’ and to the woodmerchant who says ‘I’m waiting for the woodmill man to come and get it.’  I politely suggest it might be a Damned Fine Idea If They Speak To Each Other.

On Saturday I wake up with the dreaded spasms again and go to the supermarket early and buy bread, papers and sloe gin.  Have a (strictly medicinal) gin with breakfast at 9.00am and wonder if I am an alcoholic.  Mum says I will only be an alcoholic when I need another drink at 9.30am.  So far so good, then…  We finish the Jablite and pick up all the bits.  Lots of bits.  I put my feet up and watch the Ladies Final at Wimbledon in the afternoon then we start with the tongue and groove….  I have done a very neat calculation of the area to be covered and worked out the metres required.  Except of course that none of them are in useful lengths, and we are going to have zillions of two foot pieces of T&G left over.  If anyone can suggest a use for them other than firewood…..  Although given my success flogging the grotty garage on Ebay, perhaps I could also sell the two foot lengths of T&G… ‘one careful lady owner’ and all that.  And my calculations were obviously way out – will need to buy half as much again for the ceiling.  No wonder I never made it as an accountant…

Sunday is more tongue and groove. Guy gave me a lovely mitre saw for Christmas (and yes, I really was thrilled) which is brilliant and saves hours.  Just as well as working out the lengths takes up all the hours the mitre saw saves…

In the middle of the tongue and grooving I have visitors….  An entire family whose great great grandfather built my house in the late 1800’s – having a nostalgia trip and asking very sweetly if they could look round the garden.  I give them the full guided tour of the house, although the effect is somewhat spoilt as the sitting room is full of Jablite and tongue and groove.  The family  are absolutely lovely, and tell me that the bathroom used to be in the kitchen, there was an odd toilet in a bedroom, and there was a well off the original kitchen (which is now a larder).  Which at least explains the damp.  The younger members of the family remember playing outside when they were about 5 years old…. Fantastic history to the house – they say they will send me some old photos, and I hope they do – I’d like to find out some more!

Hours worked: Really only Saturday and Sunday for me.  Unless you count bending double saying ‘put that there’ in which case it’s more.

Achieved:  Cabin is insulated, dry (at last) and has two walls covered in tongue and groove.  Guy and I are Very Pleased With Ourselves.

Not Achieved: delivery date for pool or surround.  Faintly critical.

Purchases and Pressies: Does sloe gin count?

Wine consumed: Zippo.  And the sloe gin doesn’t matter because it was medicinal.  At 9.00 in the morning.
Sarah’s tips on Jablite: (1) don’t cut it with a saw unless you want to resemble one of those ‘shake and snow’ paperweight things (2) don’t cut it in your sitting room unless you really, really want the cats to play with all the offcuts and carry bits into every other room (3) don’t try to carry a whole sheet in a high wind (4) get someone else to do it.

Pool Progress: The pool is in a couple of crates somewhere in the UK…. And the haulage company is doing everything they can to rush it to me as quickly as possible….  Yeah, right.

On Wednesday morning (still raining) I go to empty the bucket and find that the cabin is WETTER THAN EVER.  Damp is coming UP through the pit base – that’s the pit base that Mike the Base said NO DAMP WOULD COME THROUGH.   To say I am disheartened is putting it mildly…..  I rant about Bloody Builders to the inside of the cabin, and decide on Plan B.  (Or is it Z by this time?)  I know a fantastic chap called Dave the Damp – retired now, but he is an absolute whizz with damp problems, and sorted out the sodden house when I bought it.  Time to call him in, I think!

I phone Dave the Damp.  Yes, he’d be delighted to help but Not For Three Weeks.  He is on his way to the airport for a holiday in Lanzarote.  AAAAaaarrrrgggghhh.  He must sense the desperation in my voice because he offers lots of useful advice over the phone and the upshot is that if we bitumen paint the pit we should be fine.  And we’ll do the cabin floor for good measure.

All the tongue and groove (540m!) and 25 sheets of polystyrene insulation have been delivered and put inside the cabin, so they all need to be moved out before we can treat the floor.  We put everything in my sitting room.  No, it’s not that big – it’s just Very Full of Stuff.  Put it like this – I can’t get to the telly without climbing over the tongue and groove.   I watch less telly.

Guy and I paint.  The bitumen STINKS – we are as high as kites before very long, and it’s like spreading treacle….. We ruin 4 brushes, two pairs of gloves – and run out of stuff.  So Thursday night is more of the same.  Izzy comes for a look, decides she can’t stand the smell and legs it down the garden.  Which is just as well as I need to leave the doors open for it to dry out.  To get rid of the smell I have a long hot bath and have just got to that lovely ‘clean’ stage when BB comes in – his feet covered in bitumen.  And twigs.  And leaves.  And gravel.  And anything else he could pick up en route from cabin to bathroom……  This may sound heartless – but I find it very funny.  Well, he did bite me…  He is quite the most stupid cat I have ever met.  I clean some of it off with nail varnish remover (works like white spirit but doesn’t smell as bad!) and pick most of the leaves out.  I am now sticky again.  I am rapidly going off this cat.  He doesn't appreciate my assistance, so I leave him to pick the bits out with his teeth.  Which occupies him for all of the evening and most of the night….

On Saturday it pours.  And doesn’t stop – we can’t work in the cabin because the bitumen is still drying out, and we can’t work outside because of the rain.  So we watch some of the installation DVD instead.  We sort of understand it… still veering between ‘we can do this’ and Oh my god’!  By Saturday evening I am again unwell – not sure if it’s the after effects of the massive dose of antibiotics or a bug, Guy goes to his gig on his own, and I stay home.  I’m not going to give you all the gory details, but Guy lends me a Shrek video and I decide it contains WAY too much information about toilets and bodily functions… and besides, I can’t get to the telly.

On Sunday I am still pathetically unwell, so Guy puts up guttering up to protect the shed and re-bitumens the floor again.  I manage to talk to Gareth the Wood who will do the carpentry on the surround for me.  We show him the DVD, diagrams, photographs and my plan – AND HE UNDERSTANDS IT!  Already I like him. The doors of the cabin are open to help the bitumen dry…. and then it rains again….  The bitumen is black.  The cabin now looks like a sleazy bachelor pad… but at least it’ll be a dry sleazy bachelor pad…

Hours worked: I have no idea.  I am now painting bitumen in my sleep and Just Don’t Get Me Started On Bloody Builders Who Don’t Put In Damp Proof Courses… Working hours: Probably 9 or 10.  Ranting hours: Many and ongoing.  STRESSED, MOI?   Gave up ranting when the bug started.

Achieved:  Pit base dry, walls still seeping water – more bitumen needed.  Found a carpenter and ordered iroko for the surround (like teak but a fraction of the cost!)

Drink consumed: None until Tuesday because of the antibiotics.  Serious damage to a bottle of Sloe Gin since then but only because I was still ranting about Bloody Builders.  None since Saturday.

Casualties:  BB’s paws.  Well, it was entirely his own fault, but he is STILL picking bits of bitumen out… (animal rights activists please note:  no lasting damage, and it WAS funny….)

Get Well Cards Received: Lots – thank you!  Especially appreciated was the one from Guy’s mum Joy showing a cat sharpening it’s claws….

Purchases and Pressies: Nearly £300 worth of bitumen.  BLOODY BUILDERS. Two folding wooden chairs and a folding wooden table for the patio area outside the cabin.  And 5 tons of gravel.

Pool Progress:  The ‘Ever Divine’ docks in England on 29th June!  Then there’s some paperwork, then a lorry, then it gets DELIVERED!  Could perhaps arrive this week, may try and delay till Monday of next week to make life easier….