BrideShedRevisited

On Monday, encouraged by comforting words from Keith, I tackle the plumbing.  Fun or what?  Within an hour I have all the connections, all the bits in between and, what’s more, IT LOOKS LIKE THE PICTURE!  I am very chuffed with myself.  Guy turns up to help and is suitably stunned that it is all done.  However, this is dry plumbing – now I have to take it all apart and glue it together.  Space is limited, and it occurs to me that if I do that, Wyn the Wire won’t be able to wire up the heater or the pump.  I phone Wyn who agrees to come round on Tuesday evening and do the necessary wiring, and then I can glue the plumbing together.

On Tuesday I book Wednesday as a half day’s holiday from work in order to glue the plumbing.  But – Wyn can’t come.  I can’t plumb without the electrics being in place, I can’t put the cover over the pool without the plumbing in place, and I can’t (I don’t think) fill it with water without the cover.  Bugger.  Guy turns up with two more bottles of sloe gin bought on clearance.  One of them says ‘Sloe Licquer’ and, bearing in mind that we can’t get on with ANYTHING in the cabin, we drown our sorrows by having a tasting session….

On Wednesday I have my half day anyway, and also an extraordinary stroke of luck.  I leave for work earlier than usual and decide that, as I’m having half a day, I won’t need a paper to read at lunch time.  However, as I’m driving to work approaching the paper shop I decide, at the last nano-second, that I will stop after all.  When I’m in the shop a flat bed truck pulls up.  He has a load of stunning looking slabs that would be just perfect for the steps from the lawn up to the cabin.  I ask him if he'd like to sell me some, and he says they’re all promised for a job down the road, but that he can supply more.  We agree a price (very reasonable), I give him directions and I go to work.  During the afternoon he turns up with the slabs and I tell him what an amazing coincidence it was that we should meet.  It turns out it’s more amazing than I thought – he never normally drives that way to the job, and it’s the first day he’s taken that route.  Spooky or what?  Anyway, the slabs are lovely and so when Vincent and Sarah come to stay in two weeks’ time I have something for them to play with…

In the afternoon I add battens and polystyrene to the floor in readiness for the floorboards…

On Wednesday evening, still stumped on the plumbing front, Guy and I go off to do a car treasure hunt with the Woodlands Trust.  We do 7 out of 10 clues and then give up and head for the pub…  Worryingly, the water in the pool is beginning to go cloudy….

On Thursday my friend Anna comes to visit and so we lay floorboards.  Well, we do like to make our guests feel welcome….  I cut, and Guy and Anna wallop nails in.   I think I would have gone on all night but, probably luckily, we run out of nails and so we have to stop. 

The water in the pool really is cloudy, so I decide to syphon it out – we set it up and sadly watch the water LEAVING the pool.  Not good.  Guy, who is not feeling at all well, goes home – and Anna and I head for the pub for a meal.  Excellent pub, excellent food, girlie chat and putting the world to rights.  Can’t fault it!  And she gave me two lovely bangles to match the car.  Seriously!

On Friday more floorboards are delivered.  Weirdly, I seem to have miscalculated hugely on the quantity.   However, all becomes apparent when the new boards arrive – they are wider.  It seems that originally when I ordered 6” floorboards they delivered 4 ½ “.  It didn’t occur to me to measure them!  No wonder I don’t have enough.  The new boards obviously don’t match, so they will have to go back.  Guy and I do all we can with the ones we have … and then have to stop.  It seems only fair that I offer to cook after Guy’s hard work – so we have a Chinese takeaway.

On Saturday Wyn arrives to do more electrics, and Guy and I disappear to the builders merchants to sort out the floorboards.  Did I mention that I have now spent so much money there that I have been given a trade card?  Well – I have.  I am also on first name terms with all the staff….  We sort out the boards, and also select skirting board and more tongue and groove.  And then realise it won’t all fit in the car.  The lovely lads at the builder’s merchants say that they can deliver, so Guy goes on ahead and I get to ride in the lorry to explain where my house is.

We carry on floorboarding, and Wyn does more electrics.  I have to confess I don’t understand electricity AT ALL, so if he asks if the double sided screwed flangel widget should be on the wall, I just agree with whatever he is suggesting.  It seems more complicated than I had envisaged, and I am beginning to wonder if it will ever get finished.  I still can’t complete the plumbing, but Wyn promises to come back on Sunday to do yet more.  Guy has a gig and leaves at teatime, but Wyn carries on until about 7.  And after that I start sanding the floorboards….. physical job or what?  I had forgotten what hard work this is, and find that the only way I can operate the small sander is to stand with my feet wide apart and bend forward.  Boy, am I going to be stiff tomorrow!  However, I am fortified by sloe gin and chocolate in equal measures.  Damned fine idea.  I rough sand, medium sand and fine sand.  I have attached the vacuum cleaner to the sander and it seems to be collecting all the dust, and we have also covered the pool with a plastic sheet.  However, the vacuum arrangement might have been just a teensy bit more effective if I had remembered to Switch The Damned Thing On.  After sanding, I vacuum and then woodstain the floor.  By now it is 9pm, and I have been on the go since 7am…. I am KNACKERED.  And woodstained.  Which, as far as I can see, is a very good substitute for fake tan.  I am past cooking and resort to the Chinese takeaway again.  Except this time I can’t even face the washing up and eat with a plastic fork straight from the dishes….

On Sunday I am up at 6 to start varnishing the floor.  Thank goodness for Ronseal Quick Dry Floor Varnish (it does exactly what it says on the tin).  I do a second coat at 8 and another at 10.  Phew. 

Wyn arrives for more electrics and Guy and I start putting a wall on the end of the pool.  We can’t do all the way round as we have to leave a gap for the equipment panel – and we can’t do that until THE PLUMBING IS DONE.  Which can’t be done until THE ELECTRICS ARE DONE.  The panel is easy to do, so we run out of work relatively quickly. 

We sit in the kitchen and name all the ducks for the duck racing instead….  Wyn is having trouble with the electrics – the American labelling does not tally with the UK wiring so I phone the US helpline and wait for them to call back.  Then I phone the number of a UK pool installer called Andi – maybe he can help.   And this is another stroke of luck (that’s two in one week – I must check my lottery ticket!).  Andi is on his way from Milton Keynes to Plymouth and says that he can take a detour to Caerphilly to advise… Brilliant or what?  I gratefully take him up on his offer, and we wait.  Actually, we don’t just wait – I hurtle around tidying up the kitchen and making the outside loo cleaner…. I ignore the sitting room on the basis that it is a lost cause – because of needing the floor clear for varnishing, the Workmate and chop saw are now also in my sitting room.  Along with the new skirting board and tongue and groove and all the plumbing stuff which got abandoned and had to be moved out of the cabin….

Andi and his girlfriend Helen arrive – Andi is incredibly fragile as he has been kicked at point blank range by a horse and lost a kidney and a large chunk of his spleen.  Good grief.  I feel guilty at even making him get out of the car.  I make cups of tea all round, Andi and Wyn are introduced (Andi – Wyn, Wyn – Andi) and we leave them to it.  Helen, Guy and I sit in the kitchen and we tell her some of the adventures we have had along the way.  I can see her looking at the scars on my arm, so I am at some pains to point out that it was the cat that attacked me and that I do not self-harm….  And she likes the ducks!

Andi is an absolute star and gives all sorts of useful advice - he points Wyn in the right direction for the wiring (agreeing that it is tricky because of the US/UK thing), and tells me that I must remove the corners from the benches in the pool and fill it up again.  And that I’ve missed out two screws.  There is all sorts of other useful advice, and I am VERY glad that he has visited – Wyn is happier about the wiring, I am happier that I may one day have a pool that works, and Guy is happier because I’m happier.  Helen is lovely and admires the cabin.  And I still feel guilty about making Andi do anything other than breathe…..

They go, Wyn goes, I put in the two lost screws and start filling up the pool with water again…. Tomorrow we can plumb and really fill the pool up. HOORAY!  I still have no idea when it will all be connected and switched on, but I am still hopeful that it will be ready for the Grand Opening on 29th August….  I’m more of an optimist than I thought!

Hours worked: Not many in the week (well ok, I did the plumbing and the floor) but Saturday was 7am – 9pm, and Sunday was 6am – 9pm.  AAAARRRGGGHHH.  That’s Way Too Many hours!
Achieved:  Electrics ‘getting there’, dry plumbing sorted (but now dismantled again), pool emptied, pool half filled, flooring completed, half pool wall done.  Skirting boards stained once in readiness for fitting.
Wine consumed: None at all.  But my vast stocks of sloe gin are seriously depleted….
Pressies and purchases: Zippo.  Unless you count tongue and groove, skirting and more floorboards, bought with my new Builders’ Merchants Trade Card!
Plan for next week: Glue plumbing, fill up pool.  Electrics hopefully sometime.

On Monday evening I screech home from work and set to work on the plumbing – I fix the pump, filter and heater in position and then start gluing all the plumbing bits together. 

It looks good!!  Guy arrives and makes suitable admiring noises, we tighten everything up (hand tight, like the DVD says, so as not to crack the fittings) and put more water in the pool.  All seems fine! 

Guy goes, I go to do something else and then about half an hour later go back into the cabin to check.  DRIP, DRIP, DRIP.  In THREE PLACES!  One of them is not so much a drip as a torrent….  I phone Guy, who comes straight back and we both peer at the THREE offending joints.  Blunkett sits outside the cabin and points out to anyone who’ll listen that she Hasn’t Actually Had Any Dinner Yet.  By now it is getting dark, we use Wyn’s arc light, and we can’t see what’s wrong.  Apart from the fact that it’s leaking.  At which point I give up.  Completely and totally.  Obviously I Don’t Do Plumbing.  BUGGER.

We put the plugs back in to keep the water in the pool rather than the pipes, and Guy goes again – it’s late by this time – and I head for the phone to ring the local Spa fitter.  Who says yes, he can come and look at it – on Wednesday.

On Tuesday I have to confess I don’t even go into the cabin apart from a brief look to make sure it’s not leaking any more.  I am so tired by this time and it really seems as though it’s beyond me.

On Wednesday Andrew the Spa phones me at work at lunchtime to say he’s arrived and it all looks fine.  But, as I point out,  IT’S LEAKING!  I whizz home (thanking my lucky stars again for sympathetic work colleagues and flexi-time) and Andrew the Spa says apart from the fact it needs tightening it’s all fine.  He gets out the most enormous monkey wrench and starts tightening all the joints – they are tightened WAY BEYOND hand tight, and the thing stops leaking.  I am much comforted by his encouraging words and the fact that he actually knows about pools – I have realised that I know nothing about what I’m doing! 

We take the plugs out, the pipes fill with water – and they don’t leak!  I don’t add any more water because Guy and I are away for the weekend and I’d rather be here if it’s going to drip! On Thursday we add the roller for the security cover and on Friday we GO ON HOLIDAY!  We’re off to North Wales because Guy has three gigs over the weekend – pub sessions Friday night and Sunday lunchtime, and a wedding at Portmeirion on Saturday night.  We take the Smart (because it’s Fun!) and the drive up is spectacular – stunning scenery.  We are staying in a walker’s hostel in Tremadog, and it’s great – four poster bed and peace and quiet.  The gig on Friday night is not quite what we were told….. and the band end up playing all evening rather than just the one hour slot they were booked for.  I eat tough chicken from the local chippie and entertain myself while the band are setting up by misting up the windows in the car and then switching on the air conditioning to clear them again.  Who says a girl can’t have fun?

Saturday is free until the wedding, so we go to Criccieth and paddle in the sea and explore a fabulous little castle, then we head to Portmeirion – amazing place or what? 

Beautiful colours and buildings – quite extraordinary.  The other band members arrive and the equipment is set up for the evening, and we get more time to look around.  When we go back in the evening the wedding is running late, so we have another couple of hours to explore – except this time there are NO TOURISTS!  It is just us and the whole estate – so we explore all sorts of little paths and walkways… and play Poohsticks on the beach in the little rivers that are running out to see.  The gig is great, the band is excellent (as usual) and the bride looks stunning.

On Sunday Guy and I take the Blaenau Ffestinniog railway to…well, to Blaenau Ffestinniog.  This is a little steam train, it makes proper train noises and toots appropriately too.  All we have to do is sit still and admire the scenery…. Lakes, trees, forests, mountains and waterfalls.  Quite stunning yet again.

The lunchtime gig runs a little late (so what’s new?) and we finally get home about 8.15pm – and go to have a look at the cabin.  Wyn has visited over the weekend while we’ve been away, and the electrics are now ready to go…. All I have to do is fill the pool with water and Switch On!  Oh golly – this is crunch time!  My good friends Sarah and Vincent are coming to stay on Monday, so we decide we will wait for them and then have the Grand Switch On. 

Keep your fingers crossed!

Hours worked: Plumbing: about 3.  Wailing and gnashing my teeth about plumbing: 76.  No hours at all at the weekend – went away instead!
Achieved:  It’s plumbed and it’s stopped leaking, the electrics are connected, and the security cover roller is in place.
Wine consumed: No wine, but rather a lot of sloe gin on Monday night when the Damned Thing Leaked. 
Purchases and Pressies: a child’s fishing net bought in Criccieth for fishing racing ducks out of the pool.  Cost 99p and I am exceedingly pleased with it.  It’s green so it matches the Smart.  Well, what other colour would you buy?
Sarah’s tips on plumbing:  (1) ‘Hand tight’ means ‘get the monkey wrench on it and pull till you go blue in the face, (2) flexi pipe is The Best Thing Ever (3) when it leaks, Get a Man In.

So this is it.  After 17 complete weeks of hard labour, stress, worry, expense and fretting, the Grand Switch On.  Except first I have a teensy problem.  During Sunday night a 40’ tree has blown down. 

On to the new path by the shed.  It missed the shed by about a foot.  BLOODY HELL!  My nerves are, again, in shreds, and, just to help, I seem to be starting some sort of bug.  This means that when Sarah and Vincent arrive it is not ‘hello, how lovely to see you, how’s things?’ but more ‘You won’t believe what’s happened how are you with a chain saw?’  (My apologies again, Sarah and Vincent…) 

Guy arrives and, with four of us at it, the tree doesn’t take long to shift, although it is after lunch before we get to the Grand Switch On.

Vincent and I fill the motor with hydraulic fluid, check all the lines and … we’re ready.  I flick the switch and BANG!  Not, in fact, the electrics exploding, but Vincent, such a wag, saying BANG! for a laugh.  I hit him.  We flick all the switches, push the start button – and IT WORKS!!!  WOO HOO!!!  

I HAVE AN ENDLESS POOL!!!  Regardless of the fact that the water is a freezing cold 16°, I get in for a swim – and IT WORKS!!!  The swim current is not as strong as it should be, so I get out and phone the US…. I can’t connect on my mobile, so I go into the house, phone, get instructions, ring off, go back out, go back in, phone, get instructions…. About three times.  Then Vincent figures it out, and suddenly we have LOTS of power. 

I get in for another swim….  I am, by this time, entirely blue and completely frozen but, no matter, I HAVE A POOL!!!  Nobody else gets in to join me – something about the Water Being Too Cold.

On Tuesday the water is still an absolutely mind numbing sixteen degrees, and it occurs to us that the heater isn’t working….. Wyn comes to the rescue, figures it out, and suddenly we have a pool that might get warmer…. 

Vincent and Sarah more than earn their keep by building a flight of steps while Guy and I dash off to the clock shop to see if my clock is on it’s way, and to Newport to buy more of the specialist woodstain.

Wednesday, in honour of the fact that we have visitors and it is Not The Done Thing to make them work every single hour of their stay, we head for Gloucester Docks and the Museum of Modern Packaging.  There is, being me, a ‘pool reason’ for going – I am still looking for some art for the wall, and think that a retro advertising pool image would be just the thing.  We have a lovely day out, with a picnic and a dog walk.   And I’m sure the Museum of Modern Packaging would have been just as terrific as it always was – if it hadn’t closed two years ago……  If anyone knows where it’s gone, can you let me know?!

On Thursday my throat is far worse, my voice is completely gone, and I am TOO ILL TO SWIM.  This is not good news.  Seventeen weeks of hard labour, three days of having a pool, and I am not well enough to use it…. BUGGER.  We finish the tongue and groove around the pool and Vincent invents a fantastic guttering thingy to collect water coming off the roller and stop it hitting the floor.  Inspired!  We practice duck racing in readiness for the Grand Opening.  The fun really starts in the evening when we go to IKEA for serious shopping – fun or what?  And yes, you can get four people and a large rattan chair in a Megane.  If you’re prepared for one of your guests to become intimately acquainted with said chair….

On Friday Sarah and Vincent leave for Cornwall (M5, Friday afternoon before August Bank Holiday – I wonder if they ever got there???) but before that they finish the side of the pool wall and help put all the lovely new IKEA bits into the cabin.  Looking good! 

And they have a last swim before going…. Sadly I am now completely without a voice, and can’t swim.  Again.  Mum comes to swim and sits in the pool with a gentle current and a very silly grin on her face.  To show her how strong the current is I turn it on to full blast and watch her swirling gently round the pool….. Quite a fun thing to do to an aged parent….

On Saturday Guy and I are not speaking to each other.  Or, rather, I am not speaking to Guy.  Nothing at all to do with being cross – my voice has TOTALLY gone, and I can also wheeze impressively like Mutley.  I have never actually wheezed before, so this is quite entertaining.  Except my throat is sore, I feel like rubbish, and I’m still not well enough to swim.  Honestly, you couldn’t make it up…. 

I do manage to get to the clock shop to pick up a HUGE clock – not actually the one I’ve ordered yet (it hasn’t come in) but similar….

On Sunday a select group of friends come round for the Grand Pool Opening and Duck Racing (which is great fun).  Guy and I have made a cake to celebrate, and Lynne (my long suffering neighbour who has put up with endless lorries turning in front of her house) has a swim and duly declares it ‘fantastic’.  Quite right too! 

Gareth and Nic produce a beautiful sign for the cabin – which will from now on be known as the Hazelwood Cottage Aquatic Centre.  Excellent!  Jo brings a present of cinnamon incense sticks so that Guy and I can have quiet times in the pool…. Utter bliss.

Hours Worked: Not counting, because they were mostly FUN things like testing the current, putting nice things into the cabin and staining the last easy bit of tongue and groove.
Hours in Freezing Cold Pool: About one and a half.   Which was probably about 90 minutes too many.  And no, it hasn’t caused my lost voice – it’s a bug and it was always going to happen…
Achieved:  A POOL THAT WORKS!  And is now warm, which is probably just as important….
Wine consumed: Lost count of the bottles, frankly.  Well, we did have visitors.  And we did have to celebrate…  The vast amount of sloe gin consumed was purely medicinal.  On the basis that the wine didn’t seem to cure me…
Purchases and Pressies: From IKEA – rattan armchair, two rugs, two plant pot holders, doormat, mirrors, picture, frame and lots of meatballs.  OK, so the meatballs are nothing to do with the pool.  Towels and a cute teddy bear (Cabin Bear) from mum.  Red roses from Guy (aah…) Marvellous sign from Gareth and Nic, incense sticks from Jo, bottle of wine from Lynne.
Still to do: Add skirting board, put in door to plant room, stain all French Windows (three times – no wonder I’ve been putting it off), install outside light, two inside bulkhead lights, switch for fairy lights and probably some sort of heating before the winter.

And that’s it!  Except, as this is the last instalment, some extra categories….

Guy’s most vivid memory: Me saying, on Week Three, ‘That should be the end of the really physical work.’  He believes I was mistaken.
My most vivid memory: Bailing muddy water out of the pit one morning before work.  And now I’m SWIMMING in the same place!  WOO HOO!
Best people to work with: Darren the Digger (utter star) and Wrights Sheds.  And Guy, of course….
Worst people: THAT BLOODY BUILDER.
Most irritating aspect: All the people telling me ‘you don’t want to do it like that’, of which there were MANY.  I would just like to point out to them (a) it looks fantastic (b) it works and (c) we did most of it ourselves.  So there.

I have to say that both Guy and I are finding it distinctly surreal that We Have A Swimming Pool…..  I was reading something in the paper today about some famous person, it said ‘Elizabethan manor house, stables, indoor swimming pool…’ and I thought ‘ooh, that would be nice’ before thinking ‘I’VE GOT ONE OF THOSE…’  Maybe it’ll take a little time to sink in!  Guy and I have today spent a very pleasant afternoon in the pool celebrating with a bottle of champagne, being swirled around by the current and generally being Very Pleased With Ourselves.

And grinning like idiots…..

And the next project?  It’s Bank Holiday Monday, and we spent the morning sitting in Guy’s spare room discussing a new hatch to the loft, shelving, stripping wallpaper and a little bit of rebuilding….. easy peasy, really!