BrideShedRevisited

After our efforts on the electrics, we’re looking forward to a much easier week with polystyrene insulation… Although it’s messy stuff, it is at least lightweight.  It is duly delivered (in 8’ x 4’ sheets) on Tuesday morning by a bloke who can’t get his lorry up the lane, so he and I carry it all to the front door.  Then I carry it all to the shed.  Not a good idea in a strong wind…  

On Tuesday night Guy arrives and we are ready to start.  We are clean, neat, tidy and ready in our overalls.  Yes, mine are a little paint spattered.








We’re not quite so clean and tidy by the time we’ve finished – but you can have a damned fine snowstorm with the stuff!  Blunkett is now banished from the cabin as she gets bits stuck to her wet nose and looks like a dalmation…








On Wednesday we order trestles and planks from the local hire shop so that we can reach the roof safely – in the evening we do the back room ceiling…










And on Thursday night we do the front room ceiling…. We can’t touch the walls in here until the electrics have been given the thumbs up from Wyn, who VERY kindly agrees to come on Saturday to check them out.   



We clear up the snowstorm in the cabin – and a mountain of concrete dust comes up.  So that’s about half a bin liner of polystyrene bits, weighing about half a pound, and a small bag full of dust, weighing about 6 pounds.  However much we sweep, it just doesn’t stop coming up, so we’re going to slap a coat of floor paint on it – that’ll show it who’s boss!

One of the girls at work is having a wood burning stove installed in her new extension, and mentions that Jim the Stove is incredibly busy, so they’re looking at the end of February for fitting… we think we should pay him a visit and make sure we’re ok with the insulation, get the fireboard we need (in place of plasterboard where the fire is going to go) and have a brief preliminary look at stoves to see what we might want.  Jim is, as usual, brilliant and knows exactly what’s needed – we chat about slate hearths and pipes and insulation and output and it’s all fantastically exciting.  

So of course we order a stove… we even get trade prices on the fitting as this is our fifth stove from Jim….  It’s going to be GORGEOUS!  And we have a date for it to be installed – 3rd March!  That’s 7 weeks tomorrow…


All we have to get done is put extra battens in, finish the insulation, plasterboard, plaster, paint, fit the floorboards, sand the floor and varnish it… gulp.   We think we’ll see Derek the Dab for help with the plasterboard…  he’ll do it in a third of the time it’ll take us, and that stuff is HEAVY….

We get home in good time to be there when Wyn the Wire arrives with Mrs Wyn, and our handiwork is duly inspected – it’s OK!  Hooray!!  Wyn says we’ve taken more care than some electricians and, yes, it is a bloody awful job which is why he got us to do it…  This is excellent news (not that it’s a bloody awful job – that’s hardly news, more that it’s ok) because it means that we can carry on and insulate the rest of the panels then crack on with the plasterboarding.  We think we’ll see Derek the Dab for help with the plasterboard - he’ll do it in a third of the time it’ll take us, and that stuff is HEAVY….

On Sunday, just as we’re thinking we should see Derek, he turns up – he’s been fishing and has brought me a trout.  He likes catching them, but can’t stand eating them, which is great for me!  He agrees to help us out with the plasterboarding next weekend as long as his shoulder is ok – he’s having a tattoo done on Friday and it’ll depend on whether he’s stiff or not!  Anna comes to admire the shed (and makes suitably admiring noises) before we swap Christmas presents.  We’re late for 2007, not early for 2008!

Achieved:  We have the ceilings polystyrened, and most of the walls done.  Hooray!  And our electrics got the thumbs up.  Hooray again!
Hours worked:  Not that many, but lots of Planning.
Purchases:    Er, just the stove.
Pressies:  Guy brought me organic gin.  Sensible chap.
Tattoo of the week:  Derek’s, being done on Friday.  Since you’ve asked, it’s a dragon…
Wildlife update:  I spent a lot of Sunday evening watching the badger food being eaten.  By a very beautiful dog fox.  And then had to put out more food for the badger.  As Guy says – that’s two sittings each night, then…  So now we can add ‘fox’ to our increasing list of wildlife in the garden.  Anyone know what foxes like to eat?  He seemed to be keen on the fruit cake and pastry bits, but not the peanuts.  Soon he will be a Fat Fox.
Plan for the week: Fit battens where battens are needed to fix plasterboard to. Finish polystyrene in walls, paint floor to stop that damned dust, finish shoving last bits of electrics through walls, hope Derek’s shoulder is ok…

I celebrate the dawn of a whole new year by… getting ill.  I had presumed I was just knackered from a Damned Fine New Year Celebration, but by Thursday it is clear to anyone in the office that I’m a very odd grey colour and Not Entirely Myself.  I am despatched home, where I spend a sweaty afternoon in bed and feel a bit better for it.  I know, yeugh.  Anyway, by Saturday we decide we can tackle the ‘first fix electrics’ as that’s just a gentle job of pushing a few bits of cable through a few bits of wood where they’re meant to be.  And we have an ‘electric plan’.  This doesn’t mean that it lights up, or whirrs or anything, just that we have a plan of the electrics.   We have decided that in my enfeebled state it would be best if I direct and Guy does the work, so I point and Guy drills.  Or, rather, I point and the drill makes all the right noises but absolutely no impression on the wood.  We drill a pilot hole instead…. Then use a different drill bit, and another, and another… eventually we hit on the right combination of pilot hole and large flat head drill thingy, and away we go.  Or, rather, away Guy goes with the drilling - I point and he drills.  Damned Fine System.  We realise that we need to mount the tin box things on battens, so we cut and drill wood to size and glue it in place.  Blunkett is Being Very Helpful.  It’s raining and I’ve taken pity on her, so she’s allowed into the shed for the first time. 

It’s all very simple, and we only have to use a small drill bit, a large drill bit, 3 flat head drill bits, an augur bit, a jig saw, 14 kinds of screws, a squishy pen, a right angle thingy, glue, a rechargeable drill, two hammers, the nail punch, pliers, a paint brush, sandpaper, the workmate and two extension cables.

On Sunday all we have to do is pull the right cable through the right holes for the right bits and pin it to the walls.  We quickly discover a new found respect for electricians - we thought it would be gentle stuff… but, nooooo, this is really physical HARD WORK pulling lots of bits of cable through the drilled holes, and pretty tough on the brain once it all starts to look like spaghetti.  

Blunkett is Helpful, being inside the shed once again.  When we get to the ‘pinning it to the walls’ stage she tries to sit on our knees as we’re working, and is banished outside once more, although she doesn’t quite get it and keeps sneaking back in.  Quite how she thinks we won’t notice a black Labrador trying to sit on our knees is unclear…

The pinning is worse than the pulling.  It’s cold (about freezing) and our fingers are so cold we keep dropping the cable pin things.  Guy swears more than I do, but I swear louder.  Eventually we finish, but as we’ve never done this before we’re not entirely sure we’ve done it right.  We’ll ask Wyn to check it over before we hide it all behind plasterboard!

Achieved:  First fix electrics is DONE!  Whether any of it is in the right place remains to be seen.
Hours worked:  Not that many, really, given my feeble state.  Guy did more than me.
Purchases:    A drill bit.  And I was excited about it… 
Tip of the week:  Don’t hit your finger with a hammer.  The nail turns blue.  And it’s not good for a typist…
Other tip of the week:  Get someone else to do first fix electrics…
Good news of the week:  Our lovely pal Erica is getting married!  She does dormice and bats, so Erica is Our Kind of Friend.  We have been invited to the wedding, and have promised to make sure we turn up looking nice.  We can do looking nice.  Given enough notice…    
Wildlife update: (a) can squirrels become obese? (b) can squirrels explode? (c) do moles have pickaxes?  Our (obviously not dead) resident mole made a new hill in the frosted ground this morning...
Plan for the week:    Start putting polystyrene insulation in where the electrics aren’t, ask Wyn back to inspect the wiring then insulate those bits too.  Good plan.

Being true shed persons, we did what we ought to do at midnight - we celebrated in the shed, of course!

Yes, it was a bit cold.  Yes, we were wearing coats and woolly hats.

Damned fine party though!!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Just before Christmas we receive some bad news – the glorious (and very old) beech tree behind the shed is infirm.  Well, it is 250 years old… it seems that it is simply tired, and liable to fall over.  In the direction of the shed.  And the pool cabin.  Oops.  We’ve had a tree surgeon look at it and also had some serious tree analysts with sound wave kit stuff, and we’ve been given three options – cut it down, cut it back (which will probably kill it anyway) or leave it for another year, hope it doesn’t come down, and then fell it.  Not great options…  Still, look on the bright side – we’ll be ok for firewood for the next 30 years…

 

Christmas is lovely… Guy stays with his mum (no, that’s not why it’s lovely, wait a bit…) and then drives her down for lunch on Christmas Day, my mum comes round too and we all have lunch together.  Guy makes himself a puff pastry veggie plait thing, and the rest of us have a farmer’s market chicken, which is delicious.  As usual, I forget something (crackers this year) but do remember to warm the plates in the bottom oven.  For far too long, leading to that traditional festive cry of ‘f**k that’s hot!’ when we try to move the plates…

On Boxing Day I drive to Monmouth and visit Guy and his mum for more lunch.  I like Christmas!  When I get home I decide I’m in need of some exercise, so I whack nails out of 70 more floorboards…  I develop a much better technique (it’s all in the wrist) but sadly not until about no. 58 of my 70…  On Thursday I’m working, but Guy returns home and finishes de-nailing the floorboards.  HOORAY!  No, of course they’re not finished – we still have to scrape the tongues and grooves…

We have a count up.  We think there are about 115 boards left to do.  We decide we’ll Nitromors them in batches of 12 and do three batches a day for three days, which should finish them nicely before Sarah and Vincent arrive for New Year… we know they’d offer to help, and it’s a truly gruesome job.

On Friday we stick to our plan, and do three batches of 12… this takes 3 hours.  With a little basic maths, and knowing that there are around 300 boards in total, we work out that it has taken a total of 48 man (or Sarah and Guy) hours in total.  It is a labour of love.  Actually, it isn’t, it’s a labour of ‘we’ve bought the bloody things we’d better use them’.  In fact, those 3 hours didn’t include de-nailing, so it’s probably more.  Blimey.

On Saturday we stick to the plan (again) and do three batches of 12… In between there are some boards that actually come clean without the aid of Nitromors, and we don’t count these… by the time we stop there are only 13 boards left to do for Sunday.  13!!  We may actually finish these!!  Then what the hell do we do?

On Sunday we FINISH THE FLOORBOARDS!  Naturally, the last 13 are absolute buggers and several need a second coat of Nitromors but, eventually, we are DONE.  We pile them all into the pool cabin – which is now VERY full of wood:

To celebrate we let the shed have its Christmas present – wine and chocs from Katie.  Yes, we know that sheds don’t eat or drink, so of course we helped…















Achieved:  Finally finished the floorboards, all 300 (ish) of them.  HOORAY!
Hours worked:    Sooooo many.  Towards the end I was quite enjoying it…. Worrying.
Injuries:    I’ve chiselled my knees and clobbered them countless times with a hammer, and our hands are so stiff we’re at the ‘can’t hold a shavehook’ stage.  However, luckily, holding a G&T seems to be ok.
Most needles found in a floorboard:  3 welded into one tongue.  However, as this was on about board no. 298 I was less enthusiastic than I might have been.
Most nails in a floorboard:    10.  In one 6 foot length.  Someone was a little over-enthusiastic, methinks?
Purchases:    We went to the sales to find a duvet cover we both like for when my house is ‘our house’.  We didn’t do very well with bargain hunting in the crowds, so instead we headed for B&Q and bought more Nitromors.
Pressies:    I bought Guy two pew ends for Christmas for the seats under the shed windows, and he bought me a fab new digital camera with mega-zoom so that I can photograph squirrels better.  I think I got the better deal – the pew ends need cleaning….
Tip of the week:    When pulling a shavehook towards you, keep your mouth shut.  Any bits that, miraculously, do come off usually score a direct hit and it doesn’t taste great.
Wildlife update:    No sign of the mole… maybe BB has done his stuff?  Or maybe the mole’s just gone away for Christmas…
Best music for scraping floorboards:  New John Fogerty CD I got for Christmas.  Brilliant.  Rolling Stones also Pretty Damned Fine.
Plan for the week:    First fix on electrics.  This doesn’t involve scraping, Nitromors, or hammers.  We like the sound of this job.
Grand Plan for 2008:  Finish shed, redecorate my house, sell Guy’s house, move Guy in, sorted.
Fab new camera:  Not only does it do the ‘self timer’ thing (see the pic of us with the shed’s wine above), but it also does fantastic zoom close-ups…  

Yes, that is a LARGE squirrel’s arse….  It's a large squirrel.

On Monday we decide that there HAS to be an easier way of cleaning the floorboards… we do some hunting on the internet and come up with the following suggestions:

1.  Nitromors.  Yes, we know, been there tried that.
2.  Caustic Soda – will eat the wood.  Best not then, eh?
3.  Sandblasting – apparently ok on hardwood (like maple, hooray).  Will cost but we are now past caring…  

There is (luckily) a sandblasting chap (Jason) near home, so we arrange that Guy will meet him in the centre of Llanbradach and give him two floorboards to test.  Guy shoots straight through Llanbradach, not realising that that was, in fact, the centre.   Big place.  Jason takes away our boards and agrees to meet up again with the results on Wednesday morning.

On Wednesday Guy picks up the two planks.  Not sandblasted.  Well, not except for about a foot on one end – the sand blasted not only the grunge, but also the wood and just wore it away.  No good.  BUGGER.  It seems the only way to clean it is to use hard labour, sharp implements, and Nitromors…

We decide that at the weekend we will do nothing except clean floorboards and see how far we can get through the pile, which looks like this:

Before we start we decorate the shed for Christmas.  Which consists of some mistletoe, a bit of ribbon and the shed’s Christmas card (sent with love from Debbie’s shed).  Our shed has a Christmas card all of its own!


We knock nails out, clean the groove side (only a little chiseling necessary) and then Nitromors the tongue edge…  slow progress.  Guy goes to B&Q and buys more Nitromors and little triangular scrapy hook things called shavehooks which are seriously sharp and can remove up to 6 layers of skin with a single stroke.  

Mum visits for coffee and gets roped in to help.  Well, Christmas is a time for family, and all that…

The three of us beaver away in the shed… I say I think it’s a bit like Santa’s little helpers… Guy says the elves probably (a) make less noise (b) don’t have such big hammers (c) aren’t in possession of lethal chemicals and (d) swear less.

By the time it gets dark we are seriously aching… we swim and have hot baths, which helps a bit.  And then do nothing else…  

Sunday is frosty and beautiful… we have a festive looking shed!

We clean floorboards all day, only taking a break to visit the Woodland Trust workers with fruit cake and festive greetings ... we don't stay to help on the basis that we have enough hard labour going on at home!  By the time we stop (when it gets dark) Guy's fingers are so stiff he can hardly hold a hammer, and I can't stand up straight because I've been knelt over too long.  We're too knackered to either swim or have baths, so we just sit on the sofa and fall asleep instead... 

Achieved:      Some floorboards cleaned.  

The enormous pile now looks like this:

Progress.  We think we’ve cleaned 170.  There are about 80 to go, so it’s progress, but oh, so s-l-o-w!
Hours worked:  All the weekend daylight ones, basically….
Pressies:       We treated ourselves to an early Christmas present of FOUR new shavehooks and some more Nitromors.
Purchases:     Nitromors and shavehooks (the ones before we used them all up and treated ourselves to more).
Wildlife update:  To go with the squirrels (numerous), badgers (two), robins (at least 3), pigeons, magpies, bluetits, coaltits, starlings, sparrows, nuthatches (all numerous) we now have a mole.  The little bugger is chucking up piles of earth under the seed feeder.  I have told BB to hurry up and catch him…
Plan:      Spend Christmas Day being CLEAN and not doing floorboards.
Drink:     Guy tried to educate me in the finer points of Islay malt whisky.  Lost on me, sadly.  I’ll stick to gin.  Thinking of which…
Pressies (part 2):  Jo and I swapped Christmas presents and opened them at work – she gave me gin and I gave her gin.  Damned fine system! 
Cake count:  1 chocolate Christmas cake, 3 Malteser cakes, two decorated Christmas cakes.
The ‘oh bugger’ moment of the week.  When we realised the sandblasting wasn’t going to work…
Tip of the week:  Don’t kneel in Nitromors.  It stings.

Christmas wishes:  Happy Christmas everyone!  If we've sent you a Christmas card, hope it arrived, and if we didn't, here's Little Red doing his festive bit for 2007 and who, by the wonders of computer graphics, now appears unconcerned by the decorations...

He’s grown since we took the pics with Vincent’s camera, and now he’s got his winter woollies on (Little Red, not Vincent), so he’s been renamed Large Ordinary Grey (Little Red, not Vincent)…

We both hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!